Oh, the humanity!
My name is Joe Blow II and I am enrolled in your class( ). I am writing this letter because unfortunately I have not been able to attend your class the reason being is I have a occupation who does not work around my school schedule. I value my education but my job does not. I have to work in order to pay for this education and have been required to work during school time since the being of this school year. I do not want to drop out this quarter so I am e-mailing you to see if there is anything I can do to catch up and complete this class. Thank you for your time! Please respond by either e-mailing me at joeblow or call me on my cell phone at (555) 555-5555.
Now really. What do you suppose this student wanted me to say? (Or write?) I responded with something reasonable, but I was DYING to bust into full-blown sarcasm-mode. Something like, "Oh. You can't attend my class. Well, why didn't you just say so? I am happy to give you an A for doing nothing. Next time just let me know sooner. In fact, I honestly don't know why I even BOTHER with teaching and assignments and all that superfluous crap. The A+ grades are on the house, people!"