Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Absent-Minded Professor

I've officially lost it. Exhibit A:

Yesterday, I could not find my car keys. Could. Not. Find. Them. I'm rummaging through every conceivable pocket in my purse - every little nook and cranny in that stupid bag that always seems too small until I can't find something and then it's this massive black hole.

I begin the "stinkin' thinkin'" (thank you, Stuart Smalley) that goes, "Gob, why do I lose everything?! Every. damn. thing. What is WRONG with me? Why can't I be more organized? I don't just need a sippy cup, I need a string to put my keys on so I can wear them around my neck. I suck."

And then, I realize, I don't need to freak out about not being able to find my car keys, because . . . they are in the ignition and I am driving.



Blogger R.A. said...

I catch myself in similar spots now that I am almost 38. Every once in a while, my auto pilot starts driving me to a job I quit three years ago.

PS-When are you going to quit planning weddings and educating our youth so that you can just devote all of your time to entertaining us??

July 13, 2006 3:53 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

Bwahahaha! OMG, you are so going to be that little old lady at the end of the hall who comes to tell me she's lost her keys, only for me to look up and see the cord she keeps them on dangling from her neck. This happens twice a week. Minimum.

July 13, 2006 4:57 PM  
Blogger Melinda said...

Hee! I just spit out my soda from laughing.

July 13, 2006 5:56 PM  
Blogger Liesl said...

Huh. And I was blaming stuff like that on Mommy Brain. Maybe it happens after being exposed to scatter-brained adolescents?

I was wandering around yesterday looking for my shoes. I circled the house twice looking for them, and finally my son told me to check my feet.

My son is 2, and the shoes were on my feet. Yeah, one of my better moments.

July 13, 2006 6:03 PM  
Blogger Schietto Sister said...

Actually driving? Or just in your car? If it is the latter, than you take the cake, deserve the medal etc. Once my husband was looking frantically for Darling when she was young and we were at the park. "Where did she go? Oh, my gob!" He was holding her.

July 13, 2006 7:14 PM  
Blogger Fraulein N said...

Hee. You're not gonna believe this but just today I was in the car, digging through my bag for my cell phone so I could tell the mister I was stopping to get something to eat on my way home.

I was frantic, thinking I had lost it (the phone, I mean, ha ha) when I realized I was ON the phone. I had it in my hand, up to my ear and everything. The pizza place had put me on hold and I just ... forgot, I guess? Jeez.

July 13, 2006 9:59 PM  
Blogger Art Nerd Lauren said...

I... have nothing. That is hilarious, though! Blame it on the perimenopause. You're becoming your own designated mess, Teacher Lady, next thing you know you'll be searching the bottoms of kegs and the blouses of cheerleaders for a stapler!

July 14, 2006 8:36 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

i was driving around all day recently and cursing that i couldn't find my sunglasses. then i got home and looked in the mirror. they were on my head the whole time!

July 14, 2006 9:35 AM  
Blogger liberalbanana said...


I've looked for my glasses before and realized I'M WEARING THEM.

(Perhaps I should consider writing my name on my underwear in case I ever get lost without my ID?)

July 14, 2006 11:27 AM  
Blogger Art Nerd Lauren said...

I take it back, Rachel, I do that all the time! Like daily. Like they're on top of my head right now.

July 14, 2006 11:31 AM  
Blogger Southern Fried Girl said...

That's hilarious. LOLOLOL

Thanks for dropping by!!!

July 14, 2006 11:46 AM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

Ahhhhh... So nice to know that I am not alone...
Now, if only you can remember where you were driving to!

July 14, 2006 1:22 PM  
Blogger Erika said...

lol...I LOVE LOVE LOVE stories like this. Stuff like that happens to me all the time.

July 14, 2006 1:38 PM  
Blogger desiree said...

Excellent. I am not a total retard, or if I am, at least I am in good company.

July 14, 2006 4:24 PM  
Blogger ColoradoCastaway said...

I bet you can't find your license either. Because if the DMV knew about that episode they probably never gave you one LOL.

July 14, 2006 6:26 PM  
Anonymous Julie said...

Oh ha ha, I have "lost" my keys that way, too!! I have also "lost" my toddler when he was riding on my shoulders. Jeez!

July 16, 2006 4:40 PM  

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