In Honor of Thumper's Father

When I was just a wee lass, one of the first movies I ever saw was Bambi. I must have really liked it, because my parents were always asking me, "Now remember: What did Thumper's father say?" And of course, for those of you who missed this important staple of childhood brainwashing the answer is, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Does anyone besides me find it ironic that that was one of the earliest lessons my parents tried to teach me? And clearly, it didn't stick? I'm more of the Claree Belcher from Steel Magnolias mindset: "If you can't say anything nice about somebody, come and sit by me."

But, even I am exhausted from all the snarkiness and negativity as of late, so I decided to say some nice things about . . . some nice things. Note: This will not be like the O list from Oprah magazine. Because the "O list" ('a few things I think are just neat-o' or whatever) is just off-the-charts obnoxious. Who can afford napkin rings that are $425 - EACH!?! Or the $695 Burberry purse on her "Christmas gift suggestions for 2005" list? C'mon, Oprah! Put down the crack pipe and remember your humble roots.

A few things I (Teacher Lady) think are just neat-o:

• The new Haagen Dazs Mayan chocolate ice cream. This is a big deal for me to write this, because I am not a chocolate addict. As you may recall, I like cheap, crappy, sugary candy like SweetTarts and Sour Patch kids. But this new ice cream? A true "must have."
• The Starbucks Green Tea Latte. Yummy and refreshing!
• This lipstick. It's heavier than a lipgloss, yet not quite a lipstick. It is the perfect combination of both. I like the Chai Love You color. Great for summer!
• If you, like me, are entering perimenopause, and happen to be bewildered by the sudden freaking out of your once-clear skin, I have found the solution: Not too drying, not too moisturizing. The Goldilocks of acne-prone skin: Aveeno Clear Complexion Foaming Cleanser.
• For the angry blemish that happens to bust through security, I highly recommend this: A bit pricey, but totally worth it and it lasts a long time.
• Looking for the perfect quick summer read and just as irritated with the complete and total disappearance of manners as moi? Then here, my friends, is the book for you! Oh, how I wish I'd written it myself.
• I'm sorry, I don't care how skanky you think Christina Aquilera is. Her new song is amazing. Lordy, that girl has pipes!
• Is your air conditioner broken? Then head to your local Multiplex and take in The Devil Wears Prada. Will it win any Oscars? No, of course not. But it has Meryl Streep and fashion. The clothes! The bags! The shoes, oh my gob, the shoes! It's like a red-white-and-blue popsicle for the mind. No nutritional value and not something you'd want to taste every single day, but perfect for that hot summer day. Or you can just watch the trailers over and over. I do.

And, as Meryl Streep says (playing the terrifying Miranda Priestly), "That's all."