Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Friday, July 07, 2006

In Honor of Thumper's Father

When I was just a wee lass, one of the first movies I ever saw was Bambi. I must have really liked it, because my parents were always asking me, "Now remember: What did Thumper's father say?" And of course, for those of you who missed this important staple of childhood brainwashing the answer is, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Does anyone besides me find it ironic that that was one of the earliest lessons my parents tried to teach me? And clearly, it didn't stick? I'm more of the Claree Belcher from Steel Magnolias mindset: "If you can't say anything nice about somebody, come and sit by me."

But, even I am exhausted from all the snarkiness and negativity as of late, so I decided to say some nice things about . . . some nice things. Note: This will not be like the O list from Oprah magazine. Because the "O list" ('a few things I think are just neat-o' or whatever) is just off-the-charts obnoxious. Who can afford napkin rings that are $425 - EACH!?! Or the $695 Burberry purse on her "Christmas gift suggestions for 2005" list? C'mon, Oprah! Put down the crack pipe and remember your humble roots.

A few things I (Teacher Lady) think are just neat-o:
  • The new Haagen Dazs Mayan chocolate ice cream. This is a big deal for me to write this, because I am not a chocolate addict. As you may recall, I like cheap, crappy, sugary candy like SweetTarts and Sour Patch kids. But this new ice cream? A true "must have."
  • The Starbucks Green Tea Latte. Yummy and refreshing!
  • This lipstick. It's heavier than a lipgloss, yet not quite a lipstick. It is the perfect combination of both. I like the Chai Love You color. Great for summer!
  • If you, like me, are entering perimenopause, and happen to be bewildered by the sudden freaking out of your once-clear skin, I have found the solution: Not too drying, not too moisturizing. The Goldilocks of acne-prone skin: Aveeno Clear Complexion Foaming Cleanser.
  • For the angry blemish that happens to bust through security, I highly recommend this: A bit pricey, but totally worth it and it lasts a long time.
  • Looking for the perfect quick summer read and just as irritated with the complete and total disappearance of manners as moi? Then here, my friends, is the book for you! Oh, how I wish I'd written it myself.
  • I'm sorry, I don't care how skanky you think Christina Aquilera is. Her new song is amazing. Lordy, that girl has pipes!
  • Is your air conditioner broken? Then head to your local Multiplex and take in The Devil Wears Prada. Will it win any Oscars? No, of course not. But it has Meryl Streep and fashion. The clothes! The bags! The shoes, oh my gob, the shoes! It's like a red-white-and-blue popsicle for the mind. No nutritional value and not something you'd want to taste every single day, but perfect for that hot summer day. Or you can just watch the trailers over and over. I do.

And, as Meryl Streep says (playing the terrifying Miranda Priestly), "That's all."

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Blogger liberalbanana said...

Ooh, Mayan chocolate is good. And excellent when paired with the appropriate dessert wine! YUM!

I've heard a lot of good things about the Starbucks green tea latte but I'm still too scared to try it. One of these days...

I use Aveeno face wash, too. Love it!

That book sounds great!

Have a nice weekend!

July 07, 2006 3:14 PM  
Blogger Art Nerd Lauren said...

My high school's mascot was Bambi. No really, I'm serious.

I also have a soft spot in my heart, and ears, for former teeny-bopper pop. Can't help it!

And bonus! You remembered Claree's last name! Noice!

July 07, 2006 5:32 PM  
Blogger Melinda said...

OK, you *totally* referenced the exact problem I have with Oprah. You cannot claim to be "of the people" when your Must List includes $900 pants. You just can't.

July 07, 2006 6:26 PM  
Blogger happychyck said...

I'm totally groovin' on your Neat-o List! I adore my Juice Stick, but mine is Strawberry Fields, as I'm always in the market for a nice pink gloss in the summer. And thanks for reminding me about the Haagen Daz...I had it a while ago but couldn't remember who or where. Chocolate and cinnamon. Oh yum!

July 07, 2006 8:38 PM  
Blogger Veronica Mitchell said...

I love Lynne Truss. Who knew anyone could make grammar funny? Besides desperately important.

July 08, 2006 2:21 PM  
Blogger Denever said...

I know this entry is nine months old, but I have to correct this, lest you go through your entire life attributing "If you can't say anything nice about somebody, come and sit by me" to some movie character/thieving screenwriter.

It was first said by the inimitable Alice Longworth Roosevelt, daughter of Theodore Roosevelt. If that quote doesn't tell you all you need to know about her, there's this: when an aide complained to the president about Alice's behavior, TR replied, "I can run the country or I can control Alice. I cannot do both."

April 02, 2007 11:03 AM  

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