Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

What? Everybody else is doing it!

All my brain cells were used up during finals week and Mom 101’s hilarious post inspired me to do another one of my own on searches. (Wait – I guess I did learn something from my students – plagiarism is okay if you admit you’re doing it! Or if everybody else is doing it, hence the title of today's post.) Hers is brilliant. Mine is a cheap imitation, at best.

Lately, a lot of serious pervs have been showing up here. I teach human sexuality. Not sexual perversion combined with “how to be the worst speller, ever.” But I give you ANOTHER collection of searches that brought folks here, but this time, I've added my oh-so-hilarious commentary.

santa sex
It IS the most wonderful time of the year!

Sexy mom teach has soon video
WTF!?!?!?

Bookreport on extremely loud and incredibly close
Book report is two words, you cheating little bastard.

Unexpected kidnapping
Who knew this was such a common problem? At least 3 searches this week!

Sex lady.
Well, I guess . . .

Brooke Shields nude
Ew. Not Brooke Shields nude, because I’m sure she does Pilates and everything, but this person MUST be over 40 and now Brooke Shields has a husband and two children with completely incomprehensible names and SHAME ON YOU!!!

Showed my ass
As long as it wasn’t in church, I think you’re probably okay

ALL KINDS OF POSTCARDS THAT YOU CAN BIE

Good God, person. Stop shouting. And also: Stop skipping your spelling class.

Break up with your hairdresser.
See? And you all said I was being silly. Other people worry about these things, too.

Gracious george gingerbread
He sounds lovely. I would like to meet him. And then maybe bite his little cookie head off.

Fall in love with teacher.
This seems to be a common problem. But personally, I never had any teachers I could have fallen in love with. I mean, yikes. I must live in a state where it’s the law that teachers must be unlovable.

Position fellatio.
You know how to spell it, but you still have to look it up? Interesting.

Sex movies.
Seriously. What with all the FREE! HOT! PORN! Flashing ads that come at you when you type those words into Google, I seemed like your best bet?

A sexy lady with no eyebrow and hair on the head.
Congratulations. You have just won the “creepiest search of the year” award.

Gold mons.
Oh dear. Talk about being all dressed up and no place to go!

EDITED TO ADD: I had to delete all references to a little four-word movie that Jess was kind enough to Wiki for me. Of my past 100 Google searches, about 80% of them were NOT looking for my insightful writings on college teaching and . . . I was starting to get REALLY creeped out. Just, um, eew!

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8 Comments:

Blogger Susanne said...

All dressed up and no place to go! LOL! That sent me over the edge. Your post is just what I needed this morning, a good laugh.

December 14, 2006 7:56 AM  
Blogger Tizzie said...

This really did make me laugh, but then, your blog often does, it is very entertaining. Makes the searches that my blog ends up on seem very tame...thou "you know everyone thinks you look good" was a puzzler for me!

December 14, 2006 8:06 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

I think it is interesting what brings people to our sites. of course yours are more interesting than mine anyday.

December 14, 2006 9:05 AM  
Blogger Annette said...

This makes me want to have a blog of my own. I would be perpetually amused by the Google searches! Unfortunately, chemistry is not nearly as interesting as sex (and probably doesn't attract as many weirdos)!

December 14, 2006 10:32 AM  
Blogger Fraulein N said...

Hee. I can't even pick a favorite; they're all THAT insane. I'm thinking "My First Sex Teacher" must be the title of some porno.

And I would like to meet gracious george gingerbread as well.

December 14, 2006 12:02 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

According to Wikipedia, your porn searchers are looking for "Good, wholesome, adult entertainment". Maybe they did find what they were looking for. Sort of.

December 14, 2006 9:47 PM  
Blogger CaliforniaTeacherGuy said...

On the gingerbread guy, to which little cookie head were you referring when you said you wanted to bite it off?

December 17, 2006 2:10 PM  
Blogger Teacher lady said...

Oh, californiateacherguy. The only riske comment came from a man. And a man from California, no less. And just FYI, if I had meant GLANS, I would have written GLANS. And honestly, I've never seen a gingerbread man in possession of one of those. However, I know you can get pretty much any kind of crazy thing you want out there, so I don't know.

December 17, 2006 3:50 PM  

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