I've Been Busy - So Sue Me!

Here's what I've accomplished since my last post:

I learned a dirty version of "Deck the Halls" from my 7-year-old nephew Jack. That story goes like this:

Christmas Eve at my father-in-law's house. Jack is fidgety and whining because he doesn't want to eat dinner first. He wants to open presents. Now. Right, right, RIGHT now!!! Thinking I know something about children, I try to distract him. "Jack, your mommy told me you were in your school's Christmas pageant and you recited a nice poem. Do you think you could recite it for us, too?" Jack scowled at me. "No. I don't want to recite a poem." He was quiet and seemed rather thoughtful for a moment and then said, "This is a song that means a lot to me at this time of year and I'm going to sing it now." Everyone at the table politely put down their silverware and turned toward Jack, waiting for an adorable child's warbling of - oh, say "Away in a Manger" - on this holy night. He opened his mouth and at the top of his lungs belted out (to the tune of "Deck the Halls"):

Grab your balls like Michael Jackson, fa la la la la, la la la laaa
Add some pelvic thrusting action, fa la la la la, la la la laaa!!!

As you can imagine he didn't get much farther than that before his mother leaped across the dining room table to cover his mouth with her hand. She was horrified.

Personally, that's one of my top-10 Christmas memories of all time.