Why I Will Never Reproduce
Because I do really dumb things.
Epilogue: This is what happens when you give a dog a bath and then take her outside immediately because it is sunny and warm and you think, "She'll dry off faster." And then, she runs into the front yard, where your husband has spent the morning spreading topsoil so you might actually have a yard with real grass some day and she does that dog scoot around on the ear/head area to get water out of said dog ears thing except she does it in the dirt and not on your pillowcase which is actually what you were trying to avoid in the first place.
Okay - now it's "The End."