Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

I've Been Busy - So Sue Me!

Here's what I've accomplished since my last post:

I learned a dirty version of "Deck the Halls" from my 7-year-old nephew Jack. That story goes like this:

Christmas Eve at my father-in-law's house. Jack is fidgety and whining because he doesn't want to eat dinner first. He wants to open presents. Now. Right, right, RIGHT now!!! Thinking I know something about children, I try to distract him. "Jack, your mommy told me you were in your school's Christmas pageant and you recited a nice poem. Do you think you could recite it for us, too?" Jack scowled at me. "No. I don't want to recite a poem." He was quiet and seemed rather thoughtful for a moment and then said, "This is a song that means a lot to me at this time of year and I'm going to sing it now." Everyone at the table politely put down their silverware and turned toward Jack, waiting for an adorable child's warbling of - oh, say "Away in a Manger" - on this holy night. He opened his mouth and at the top of his lungs belted out (to the tune of "Deck the Halls"):

Grab your balls like Michael Jackson, fa la la la la, la la la laaa
Add some pelvic thrusting action, fa la la la la, la la la laaa!!!

As you can imagine he didn't get much farther than that before his mother leaped across the dining room table to cover his mouth with her hand. She was horrified.

Personally, that's one of my top-10 Christmas memories of all time.

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7 Comments:

Blogger Maria said...

I love it and I am curious how the rest of the verse would go.
Glad you are back.

February 09, 2008 2:21 PM  
Blogger Mamacita (Mamacita) said...

That's a Bob Rivers parody! The Christmas cd is hilarious!

Grahbe Yahbalz

(Parody of Deck the Halls)


Grab your balls like Michael Jackson
fa la la la la la la la la la
Add some pelvic thrusting action
fa la la la la la la la la la
Don we now our leather jackets
fa la la la la la la la la la
Pick that crowbar up and whack it
fa la la la la la la la la la

Rip your shirt off
Show some nipple
fa la la la la la la la la la
Squeeze you buns
like Mr. Whipple
fa la la la la la la la la la
You’ll always get a big reaction
fa la la la la la la la la la
If you grab your balls like Michael Jackson
fa la la la la la la la la la

Merry Christmas Bubbles

Grab your balls like Michael Jackson
fa la la la la la la la la la

February 09, 2008 8:49 PM  
Blogger Mrs. T said...

It ranks right up there with this timeless classic, sung to the tune of "Joy to the World":

Joy to the world, Barney's dead!
We barbequed his head!
Don't worry about the body,
we flushed it down the body,
and round and round it goes,
and round and round it goes,
and round and round and round
it goes.

Lovely.

February 10, 2008 10:07 AM  
Blogger Ambitious Blonde said...

Best Christmas dinner moment EVAH! I totally want to adopt your nephew. :)

February 10, 2008 5:34 PM  
Blogger Samantha said...

That is hilarious!

February 13, 2008 4:52 PM  
Blogger Fraulein N said...

Hee! Awesome.

February 14, 2008 3:25 PM  
Blogger Jay Cam said...

hey, that's a catchy tune!
: )

February 24, 2008 4:12 PM  

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