That's What I Want for Christmas
Mr. J. hates Christmas more than anyone I have ever met. He’s the bastard love child of Ebenezer Scrooge and the Grinch if a literary character and a cartoon (both male) could actually reproduce. In the almost 5 years we’ve been married, I’ve managed to campaign for Christmas a little at a time. Last year we had a tree. This year we have stocking hangers and stockings. When I told Mr. J. I had purchased some lovely Christmas decorations from Pottery Barn, he said, “How are they going to stay up? You’re not using nails or duct tape after we've just painted all these walls.”
First of all, what the hell kind of Christmas did you have growing up?!? Maybe it makes sense that you hate it if duct tape was involved. I explained that all I had in mind was stocking holders and stockings for the mantle. He wasn’t convinced. “How are they going to stay up there?” he asked skeptically. What do you say to that? Stay up, where? Good gob what you are talking about? I said, “Um, gravity. You know, they like, just sit there.” Until he actually saw them sitting (nail and duct-tape free!) he was very concerned and didn’t believe me. He’s not what I would call a Christmas convert, but “baby steps” and “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” clichés ad nauseum.
The positive note? We don’t really spend much on Christmas gifts for each other. We do stocking stuffers and have a limit of $50 each. (Total. Not per individual stocking stuffer.) Mr. J. requires so little to be happy in life it’s really hard to buy him anything. Last night I asked for suggestions. After thinking for a moment he said, “I could really use a new oven mitt.” An oven mitt? Are you serious? “Yeah, or you know – those pads or things you use to put a hot plate on. It doesn’t have to be a mitt, per se.” So that’s it? An oven mitt. Anything else? “Nope. I just really need an oven mitt.” Uh, okay. Well, I guess I’d better run out to Target before they run out of oven mitts . . . keep your fingers crossed because this time of year they're so popular!
First of all, what the hell kind of Christmas did you have growing up?!? Maybe it makes sense that you hate it if duct tape was involved. I explained that all I had in mind was stocking holders and stockings for the mantle. He wasn’t convinced. “How are they going to stay up there?” he asked skeptically. What do you say to that? Stay up, where? Good gob what you are talking about? I said, “Um, gravity. You know, they like, just sit there.” Until he actually saw them sitting (nail and duct-tape free!) he was very concerned and didn’t believe me. He’s not what I would call a Christmas convert, but “baby steps” and “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” clichés ad nauseum.
The positive note? We don’t really spend much on Christmas gifts for each other. We do stocking stuffers and have a limit of $50 each. (Total. Not per individual stocking stuffer.) Mr. J. requires so little to be happy in life it’s really hard to buy him anything. Last night I asked for suggestions. After thinking for a moment he said, “I could really use a new oven mitt.” An oven mitt? Are you serious? “Yeah, or you know – those pads or things you use to put a hot plate on. It doesn’t have to be a mitt, per se.” So that’s it? An oven mitt. Anything else? “Nope. I just really need an oven mitt.” Uh, okay. Well, I guess I’d better run out to Target before they run out of oven mitts . . . keep your fingers crossed because this time of year they're so popular!
posted by Teacher lady | 7:44 AM
5 Comments:
First of all, I can't believe that there is someone out there who doesn't like Christmas more than Paul does. You have my sympathy.
After 9 years together, Paul finally gave up some ideas of things he wants for Christmas this year. They are all boring, practical things (a new trackball for the computer, a cordless drill, a specific kind of winter hat), but that's what seems to make him happy.
Still laughing over Scrooge and the
Grinch's bastard child. LMAO! What a perfect description.
wow, poor mr. j, he must have had some bad christmases... you know, you could always hide something in an oven mitt for him. like i don't know, a potholder?
An Ove Glove would be good. They work really well.
Maybe he was that little boy on A Christmas Story......
Aw, Mr. J manages to be simultaneously depressing and adorable.
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