Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Introducing Unnecessary Complexity

Once again, I am living in a house with a kitchen that has really none of the standard "traits" of a kitchen. Yes, we have a microwave and we finally have a refrigerator. A stove, sink, dishwasher, countertops? Not so much.

As you might imagine, this has truly affected the whole food preparation process. I ditched NutriSystem because all the food was starting to taste like the cardboard boxes in which it was delivered. Mostly I've been eating lots of Lean Cuisines and lots of "prewashed vegetables" - spinach (Now! With extra e. coli!), baby carrots, etc.

The other night I decided I was SO sick of pre-cut baby carrots (and the accompanying slimy feel) and I wanted a “real” carrot on my salad – the kind that requires washing and perhaps some peeling. You know, not the baby kind. The big girl kind.

I had the bag of carrots on my miniature “counter top” (probably 18 inches wide at best) next to the utility sink in the basement – aka, my kitchen sink. At some point there wasn’t enough room on the postage stamp-sized counter and the whole bag of real big-girl carrots fell behind the stupid *&^%$# counter thing. It was too heavy to move, and I couldn’t reach the carrots so I had to settle for one carrot and leave the whole bag back there.

When Mr. J. got home I informed him of the situation and first he asked my least favorite question, “What do you mean, you dropped carrots behind the countertop?” which always baffles me. I never understand this question. The other day at Home Depot, I told him I thought a particular configuration of wall hangings would look "absolutely ridiculous" and he asked, "What do you mean, absolutely ridiculous?" I only speak English. And I don't know any other way to say "absolutely ridiculous."

But I digress. Then he asked me why I wasn’t using pre-cut carrots, etc. I told him I was sick of them and he said (with a completely straight face), “Why are you introducing unnecessary complexity into the carrot preparation process?”

I laughed until I actually cried and then said, “Why are you not normal?” His response: “I’m totally normal.” I told him that I could ask every woman I know if her boyfriend/husband would EVER utter those words and the answer would be no, about 100% of the time.

Cabinets to be delivered Sept. 21-26. Countertop (and of course much desired sink) to follow two weeks later. I don’t know if we’ll make it.

Labels:

7 Comments:

Blogger Shawnee said...

I can say with 100% certainty that Chris has never uttered those words to me. Ever. I think it would have been acceptable to inflict bodily harm on Mr. J with the aforementioned carrots. Once he retrieved them from behind the counter, of course.

I've said it before & this only confirms it: you are a saint. I'm sure Mr. J is a delightful & charming man, but I believe I would have killed him by now. Sorry, J!

September 17, 2007 10:51 AM  
Blogger Magpie said...

My husband would say something like that. He is a master of using many more words than necessary at all times.

My favorite utterance was after he'd dropped a whole bottle of pills in the bathroom: "Fucking incredible state of affairs!"

I'm sorry you haven't got a kitchen.

September 21, 2007 12:19 PM  
Blogger Beehive Goddess said...

Paul would say those words. But he is a definitely different individual.

September 25, 2007 12:36 PM  
Blogger mex (aka Syb) said...

I am SOOOOO glad you are blogging again. I checked here for months and NADA... Anyhoo, I finally (and regretfully) deleted yr blog from my favorites... You even once left a (nice) comment on my blog... It was a piece written by The Better Half.. who +can+ write, the first piece in the (alleged) blog. That said, I have included a few pieces that he wrote.. the latest being written last week entitled 'Wito." Stop by and gander if you wish. I retired teaching (The Pokey) after 31 lonnnng years! (BTW, if you do have a moment to stop by and read "Wito" it is tagged "The Better Half" (tags are at the bottom of the entries) I may be wrong, but I think you would rnjoy all those pieces. Shameless self-promotion? Nahhhh.. he can write and I am not his only fan... he has hundreds.. maybe thousands!! I have less than five!

I am referring to the blog entry that HE wrote ("Wito") and NOT the one I wrote today... HIS are "tagged" as "The Better Half" at the end of the entries.

Well, I am as usu off topic. I stopped by to tell you that I reallly enjoyed catching up on the last several months of yr blog. I did note that you write about your dog MINNIE a good bit. YAY for you!! We have had ours (a mongrel) almost 5 yrs now. She changed our lives.

ANYHOO, this has a point... I PROMISE..

Besides thanking you for renewing yr blog, I wanted to mention something that you +may+ use in yr future blog entries, especially those about MINNIE

His famBly has always been religious.. lottsa teachers and preachers... and they're big on citing/reciting Bible versus at famBly gatherings.. especially after/before a big dinner

The grandmother thrived on seizing/stealing.. the SHORTEST Bible Verse.. "Jesus wept."

Then there was an uncle, one w/ a tremendous sense of humor who usu chose, 'The dog returneth to his vomit." (Remember yr blog entry about Minnie puking?)

(Try cats.. YUM... hairballs... Three cats and ONE dog here..I digress..)

Annnnnyhooo.... we were doing our nightly Bible read (it's Just the 2 of us at night for that) and Lo and Behold...

THAT IS IN THE BIBLE!

Sry to have taken up sooo much space.

I look forward to yr entries.. hopefully you will write (almost) daily.. even if they are short vignettes.

I am not editing this.. gotta get dinner ready

Hope you can use that Bible verse sometime (AGAIN.. I know you don't need the material.. but maybe it'll fit in a "mini" (unintentional pun) one day

Best,

Syb/mex

ooooo.. this is also toooo long for a comment... Ooops

September 25, 2007 4:30 PM  
Blogger Baba Doodlius said...

Alternate way to say "absolutely ridiculous":

"Completely effin' absurd". Of course, you could also do without the crudity, but I feel it adds to the depth of feeling.

September 26, 2007 3:09 PM  
Blogger Fraulein N said...

But! But he introduced unnecessary complexity into that conversation.

Well, he did.

September 28, 2007 4:59 PM  
Blogger Veronica Mitchell said...

This sounds just like a conversation my husband and I would have, though which of us would be the nerdy one would depend on the day. He teased me a while ago when my response to his conversational observation was, "I don't think your sample is big enough to draw any solid conclusions."

October 06, 2007 9:55 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home