Thirteen Thursday!

It's a meme! (Don't ask me what that means, because I don't know.) If you're reading this, you've been "tagged," and you must complete the following "Thursday 13." Since I'm irritable (what else is new), today's meme is, "13 Things that Irritate the Crap out of Me."

13. Snow. I flung open the curtains yesterday to see . . . snow. I even did one of those cartoon character things where I shook my head, rubbed my eyes and blinked 3 times to be sure I wasn't hallucinating, and no. Snow. In April. There should be NO SNOW during anytime on the calendar that is officially considered "spring."

12. Ma'am. Yesterday, a 15 year-old cashier at the grocery store called me ma'am. When did that happen and what did I do to deserve it?

11. "Lose 10 pounds in one month" magazine teasers. Since it's spring, I've seen, oh, at least a dozen articles about losing weight without even trying. Guess what nearly every article suggests (besides the obvious "tricks" like working out, etc.,)? Switching from whole milk to 2%, 1% or even skim. Here's a question: Is ANYONE (besides children under the age of 2) drinking whole milk? Do you know any women who sit down at the dinner table and say, "I can't wait to drink me this refreshing cool glass of WHOLE MILK?" I do not. That is not a "weight-loss trick." That is false advertising.

10. 18-22 year olds. Today, a female student wrote in a paper about the movie Kissing Jessica Stein, "This movie was a typical romantic comedy about a middle-aged woman looking for love." Huh? What? I've seen that movie a few times, and I think Jessica MIGHT be 30 at the very most. Since when is 30 middle-aged? Isn't "30 the new 20?"

9. People who don't use their turn signals. Is it THAT difficult? Is the effort required to raise one hand, grasp your turn signal, and push it one direction or the other THAT taxing? If so, perhaps you don't have the physical strength driving requires and you should just go home and drink some whole milk until you feel better.

8. Grammatical errors in newspapers. In our Sunday newspaper (which is considered the newspaper of a "major city," by the way,) there was an interview of a "local celebrity." One of the questions was: "What is the first song your singing on Karaoke night?" Good grief, people! Aren't you supposed to be journalists? Don't you have more training, than, say, one of my college seniors? You are setting a BAD example. Bad, bad, bad. For shame.

7. People who make mistakes and then try to convince you that their mistake is actually in your best interest. Exhibit A: J. and I just spent TWO THOUSAND dollars on new kitchen cabinets. We are not extravagant and our kitchen is really, really tiny. Cabinets just happen to be that expensive. I did not know this. Monday morning, J. took the day off work, I was home, and after two weeks of living with a refrigerator in my living room, I couldn't wait to have a kitchen back. And lo and behold, the company, they did not send us our beautiful natural maple cabinets. They sent us "Toffee" colored cabinets. I called the place immediately and tried to calmly and oh-so-politely express my dismay. "Garth" (his real name - I kid you not) did the following:

• Blame the factory. "We did all the paperwork correctly. They just packed it wrong at the factory."
• Sighed heavily and acted put upon by my request to FIX the mistake in some way.
• Acted exasperated because "They do this ALL the time." Why, you poor fellow.
• Told me that we were actually "better off" and would like this color better because after a year or two, the natural maple cabinets would fade or change color and eventually not even be the color we wanted, so really we were in luck and should thank our stars that this happened. Funny he didn't mention the fading thing when we picked out that color (and he was standing right there!)

6. That "Beep" song by the Pussycat Dolls. Since when are bleeped-out expletives music? "I don't give a BLEEP! if you're looking at my BLEEP!" My, what musical genius that must have taken.

5. Customer service representatives who sigh heavily and roll their eyes at me when I try to tell them how to spell J.'s last name. J. has the same last name as someone who is fairly famous. J. and I share a Hollywood Video card which is in J.'s last name. The other night, I didn't have my card and the 20 year old behind the counter said he could just look up our account with a last name. "The last name is Cruz. C-r-u" 20-year-old interrupts: "I know how to spell Cruise," he says contemptuously. Sigh. Eye roll. A 10 minute conversation ensues while I try to explain why our account really IS in their computer, if he would just let me spell my husband's last name correctly.

Okay - must go to class now. I'm sure when I return, I will be able to come up with a few more things that irritate the crap out of me - and now I've given YOU one - people who don't finish their blog entries!

EDITED TO ADD:

4. Katie Couric. Not nearly as clever as she thinks she is. Not nearly as cute, either.

3. My students' papers. Normally, they make me laugh. In fact, just yesterday, this one made me laugh, but today, it irritated the crap out of me. I was dying to write, "Do you even READ your paper before you turn it in?" The sentence in question: "Katherine McCormack, herself tested on rats, could not prescribe the Pill to women because she was not a doctor." What?!? I'm sorry, what? How is one "tested on rats?" This paper was a response to that video about the creation of the birth control pill. While I am not 100% familiar with every intimate detail about the invention of the pill, I can say with some certainty that at no time were women "tested on rats."

2. Other doctoral students. In fact, the whole effing life of a doctoral student in general. Yesterday, a fellow student asked me about my opinion on the CDC's current statement about HPV. Can I just not HAVE an opinion about the CDC's current statement about HPV?? Sometimes the minutiae is just so ridiculous. That and the fact that I'm supposed to know everything about everything. I think Human Sexuality is just a little broad for that. I cannot be an expert on theories of sexual orientation, sexual behavior, the media in sexuality, sexually transmitted infections, the human sexual response cycle, pregnancy, labor and delivery, birth control, sexual disorders and dysfunctions, sex therapy, rape and sexual assault, sex work (new politically correct term for prostitutes, strippers, escorts, massage parlor workers, etc.), atypical sexual behavior, the history of pornography and obscenity laws AND the freakin' CDC's opinion on all of the above. Whine, whine, whine. Sorry - got carried away there. Such is the life of a doc student, I suppose.

1. And the number one thing that is irritating the crap out of me? One word: Perimenopause. Not fair. 'Nuff said.