Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


I have often said that between Mr. J.'s talents and mine, we would make one hell of a really intelligent, well-rounded person. Separately, we both have our strengths and (in my case, many) weaknesses.

My weaknesses? Too numerous to list here. I don't even know where to begin. Do I start with "subjects I may easily fail", like math and well, mostly math? Or do I begin with personal traits like, "Couldn't keep her desk clean if her life literally depended upon it"? Easily distracted, lazy, tends to procrastinate, overemotional and prone to fits of drama to name but a few - and that's not even line one of the list.

I think of Mr. J. as insanely more intelligent than I am - after all, who but the insanely (hmm . . . ) intelligent would voluntarily teach college Calculus - for fun? In his spare time? So imagine my surprise during this conversation last week:

Mr. J.: Josie (Mr. J.'s 19-year-old niece) crashed her car the other day.
me: Oh my gob! Is she okay?
Mr. J.: She's fine, but the car is totaled.
me: Casey (Mr. J.'s overworked, underpaid, single-mother-of-three-kids sister) isn't going to try and buy her another car, is she? I mean, Josie's in college. And Casey absolutely can't afford to buy her a car!
Mr. J.: I know, that's what I told Casey. That's Josie's milk to clean up.
me: Huh? Josie was drinking milk and she spilled it on herself and that's why she crashed the car?
Mr. J.: No - you know, it's a saying. "The person who spills the milk has to clean it up."
me: Yeah, I don't really think that's the saying. I think it's, "Don't cry over spilled milk."
Mr. J.: Whatever. You know what I mean.

What's the funniest malapropism you ever heard? (Or said?)


Blogger Andy said...

Something about "do the drapes match the curtains" or something. It's supposed to be sexual but I can never remember the actual right way to deliver it and it turns out to be fit for home decoration. I don't know how it goes!

August 03, 2006 12:36 AM  
Blogger Mrs. T said...

I once had a supervisor of sorts who was the Queen of malapropisms. She once told people not to get all "up in hand" about something.
George Bush's "We've got a saying in Texas- fool me once, and, well, um, uh, don't fool me again."
My college roomate used to say "Dummy up!", which actually means to shut up, but what she really meant was "smarten up".
It's funny that you posted this, because I was thinking about malapropisms just this evening and how I could make it a blog entry.
Erie. Oops, I mean eerie.

August 03, 2006 12:45 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

That is funny about cleaning up the milk.

Mine isn't that funny though. For years I thought my mother was saying "Let's just play it by year." I still have to remind myself to say "ear" and not "year."

August 03, 2006 4:31 AM  
Blogger Geek said...

Thats great, I tend to make that kind of stuff up myself sometimes.

August 03, 2006 8:25 AM  
Blogger Teacher lady said...

Andy - it's "Does the carpet match the drapes?" and yes, it's sexual. But "Do the curtains match the drapes" is very "Sell This House."

Jennifer - I think that is hilarious. Moms are great for that kind of stuff!

Mrs. T. - If "Not getting up in hand" isn't sexual, I don't know what is!

August 03, 2006 8:47 AM  
Blogger Art Nerd Lauren said...

I can't think of any good ones, except my husband always say "Chalk it down". It's so annoying to me, that I can't even listen to whatever it is he's chalking- anywhere!

August 03, 2006 11:10 AM  
Anonymous heather said...

I'm not sure if this is a malapropism or just me being thick but in German there is a word 'schwierig' which means 'difficult' and there is a word 'schwiegermutter' which means mother-in-law. I always end up saying 'schwierigmutter' which still translates quite well but isn't what i mean to say.....but the translation 'difficult mother' always makes people laugh.

August 03, 2006 2:37 PM  
Blogger Isabel said...

I don't have one to share, but I had to comment on how freakin' funny this is. And the comments rule also.

August 04, 2006 12:27 AM  
Blogger Isabel said...

Oh, I just thought of one. My friend in high school would always say "I'm catching my second cheese", because she could never remember it was "catching my second wind" and thought it was something about cheese in the wind. Or something.

It was funny back in high school and so now I always say it.

August 04, 2006 12:28 AM  
Blogger Katherine said...

Oh, just this weekend. My sister-in-law is from Bogota Columbia and speaks English quite well, but every now and then she throws out a real humdinger. She meant to say that her friend was being a real "party pooper" and instead called him a "pee pee party".

August 07, 2006 9:41 AM  
Blogger Teacher lady said...

Katherine, that is priceless. Gotta love the potty humor.

August 07, 2006 10:48 AM  
Blogger Schietto Sister said...

"Playing bear" instead of "horsing around. How good is that?!

August 10, 2006 7:28 AM  
Blogger Silliyak said...

I just found your site, so this is a little late in the game, but I knew a guy who swore he would never buy radical (radial) tires and knew a person who had eucalyptus (epileptic) fits.

August 14, 2006 9:05 PM  

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