Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Bits & Pieces

Because none of the topics below merit their own post, I present to you bits and pieces of my fabulously exciting life. (I can hardly stand the suspense either - have you fastened your seatbelts?) Then again, with my ability to ramble on endlessly about absolutely nothing, who knows? I might get ten or eleven posts out of this.

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I missed Gilmore Girls tonight. Did I really miss anything?

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Should I be worried that lately people at school have been saying to me, “We’re worried about you”? At first I was touched, but then I decided it’s sort of like when you walk into a room and somebody says, “Oh wow – are you sick as a dog or what?” and the answer is no. Or, if you want to make a person really squirm, the answer is, “As a matter of fact, I’m the picture of health. Why do you ask?” And then the person has to say, “Uh, no reason.” Or, “You’re just – um – a little pale or something. Maybe it’s the lighting.”
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One of the good things about having a very sensitive “vex-reflex” (hey, that rhymes! Look at me! I can rhyme and I have the attention span of a gnat!) is that I am also easily delighted and amused. Tonight I went to a brand-spanking-new Target. And they had a Starbucks. INSIDE. I marched right up and got myself a non-fat gingerbread latte. Then, I kept looking for signs reading, “Please enjoy your beverage before shopping and grabbing toiletries, etc., etc.” But I didn’t see any. When my latte came up, I asked the barista, “Can I drink this while I shop????!” She looked at me like I was insane. “Yeah.” What more was there to say? “Really?!” I can always find more to say. “Yeah, really.” “Oh, wow,” I said. “Thank you!” I know she wasn’t sure why I was thanking her. And then I shopped and drank my gingerbread latte at the SAME. TIME. It was all I could do to not call my friends and say, “You’re never going to guess what I’m doing right now. I’m walking through Target buying shampoo and new mittens and I’m drinking a piping hot Gingerbread Latte!” I was very excited and throughout the whole shopping trip, I just kept marveling to myself, “I’m shopping AND drinking Starbucks at the same freakin’ time. What will they think of next!?” See? I’ll be thrilled about this for the next 3 days, at least.

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Somebody - anybody - everybody, please tell me that Victoria's Secret bras fit strangely. Otherwise, I may have to look into very expensive surgery. I don't care if you're a man who happens to be a drag queen. Just tell me they suck.
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I always said I wouldn’t be one of those bloggers who posts about their dreams, because honestly, unless you’re a psychoanalyst, who the hell cares? And now I’m eating my blogging code of ethics because I have a recurring nightmare that the stupid dream websites don’t interpret to my satisfaction. Read: I don’t like the interpretation – and I don’t think it’s relevant, so maybe you can help me. Here it is (Remember, I did say details from my fascinating life!): I wake up (in my dream) and start spitting out my teeth. VERY disturbing because, 1.) I like my teeth where they are, and 2.) Spitting teeth is disturbing. I manage to grab a Ziploc bag which happens to be right near by. (We do not keep Ziploc bags in our bedroom – I wanted to make that perfectly clear.) I then spit what is left of my teeth into the Ziploc bag and now they’re not even teeth – they’re like broken pieces of teeth and I just keep spitting and the pieces keep getting smaller and smaller until they’re basically just finely ground gravel. I then take my Ziploc bag of teeth to the dentist and present it to him, like he’s actually going to do something with it – you know, “You’re the dentist – you can fix anything – just work your magic and make these back into teeth and let’s get ‘em where they belong.” And he looks at me like I’m crazy and tells me that basically I’ve given him a bag of gravel and he can’t help me. Then I feel complete deep and utter horror and helplessness. I’ve lost my teeth. I have truly done something that is irreversible. I can’t “unring that bell.” That’s actually the worst part of the dream – something went wrong and there is no way to fix it. The stupid dream websites talk about “needing to be heard” or in some cases teeth represent financial stuff (huh?) and the dream means you’re worried about financial security. I never had this dream until I started living alone, just after I broke up with my first post-divorce boyfriend (when I was around 30). All through the dating fiascoes I had it repeatedly and although it’s decreased in frequency, I still have it about once a month. (Hmm . . . can dreams be “hormonally driven”? I mean, other than pregnancy dreams?). If you’re still reading, I want to know if 1.) You have this dream and 2.) What you think it means.
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I have stopped believing in the theory of natural selection. An OB/GYN told me that a young woman came to her who has having problems with the patch – her method of birth control – like breakthrough bleeding and a few other symptoms that weren’t resolving themselves with time. The doctor examined the young woman and found that she had cut her patch into the shape of a Playboy Bunny. This is a person whose birth control is going to fail. THESE are the people who should be procreating!? If you buy into the whole “survival of the fittest,” how the hell do you explain this!?

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16 Comments:

Blogger Jenny said...

Random replies...

I don't like any Victoria's Secret lingerie. It fits very oddly. But I was given some (by my Russian sister-in-law ... is this a Russian thing? who knows?) and I traded it in for some dreamy flannel pajamas. I'm wearing them now. They fit just fine; they even come in "short."

I have teeth loss dreams periodically, and I actually think they mean I need to floss more. I've never been able to tie them to anything else.

Is "we're worried about you" the over 30 version of "smile honey, it can't be that bad?" I actually had men say this to me. More than one. And like an idiot, I'd smile. But that brings us back to a different post...

November 21, 2006 11:37 PM  
Blogger ProfessorDog said...

I've never had that dream, but it sounds to me like you already know what it means--something terrible has happened and there's no way to fix it--you can't unring the bell. (Did you see the Law and Order repeat with that line earlier this week? I did, and have been trying to find a way to use it ever since.) Maybe it's a mistake you made, maybe it's something that happened to you. Maybe it's not really unfixable, but your subconscious thinks/fears it is.

I agree that the financial security/needing to be heard sounds like total BS.

November 21, 2006 11:55 PM  
Blogger Teacher lady said...

Thanks, Jenny! I appreciate your support.

Prof dog - I don't watch L&O - but I did "steal" the line from GI Jane when she quits boot camp and then wants to go back and her senator sponsor person says, "I can't unring that bell."

November 22, 2006 12:29 AM  
Blogger Elisha said...

I have dreams where I lose my teeth. The worst is when it's happening for a second time and I know it's happened before.

I can only find one V.S. bra that fits well.

I think in this day and age when smart, responsible people actually take reproducing seriously then natural selection doesn't work. Before birth control I could see how it would work, but now that we have choices and ways to mess up those choices (by cutting the patch into a bunny) then the "weaker" ones are going to be the ones reproducing more.

November 22, 2006 8:16 AM  
Blogger saintseester said...

I have the teeth dream too. Not as often as every month, but often enough to disturb me regularly. My best guess is that it is an anxiety dream, I have anxiety about things I can't control - stress, and I think that is what causes the dream.

I hate victoria's secret bras, too. I wear a 38 nearly a b but not quite a b. They have nothing that comes near to fitting.

November 22, 2006 8:26 AM  
Blogger The "Mind" said...

Never had the teeth dream. Watch, now that I've said that I will. LOL!

VS bras, oh, don't even get me started on VS bras. They suck. The only thing I buy from VS is pajamas.

I'm sorry, I'm still laughing at the twit customizing her bc patch. I bet the manufacturers never thought to put that on their warning label. LOL!

But you see, stupid people don't necessarily create stupid kids. It is like nature knows that someone in the family has to have a brain, so it doles one out to the offspring.

November 22, 2006 9:32 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Victoria's Secret bras suck. I buy my perfume from there, but that's about it.
Oh and the girl who cut her Ortho-Evra into a Playboy bunny shape? Let's just say I weep for humanity sometimes.

November 22, 2006 10:22 AM  
Blogger Kate C. said...

Re: Gilmore Girls. The horrid Christopher plog plugs along, but there was perhaps a glimmer of hope at the end of the episode. Luke saw the Philadelphia Story on TV and seemed to be thinking of Lorelai. And Lorelai kept insisting she was so happy to be with Christopher--perhaps a little too much? Maybe it is just wishful thinking.

November 22, 2006 10:24 AM  
Blogger Shawnee said...

1.) A Target with a Starbucks inside??? It's like all of my prayers have been answered! If they start offering massages back by the pharmacy, I may move in. Any chance you want to share where this gloriousness is located? 'Cause, sadly, I would totally make a road trip for this. Yes, I know, my life is very sad & boring.

2.) I finally gave up the fight this year & admitted that VS bras just do not fit. I've always assumed it's because I am a 34D (read: not small!) & their cute-but-flimsy demi cups just weren't doing it for me. Even their so-called full coverage bras just didn't have enough coverage. (It is killing me not to use the "my cups runneth over" line.) (Hee.) At least now I know it's not just me.

3.) I don't know if I should laugh or cry about the OB/GYN story. Lord.

November 22, 2006 1:18 PM  
Blogger desiree said...

Victoria Secret bras not only don't fit (ipex my ass) but they are also of horrible quality. They fall apart very quickly.

I have the tooth dream, or a variation of it, constantly. The best explanation I ever found was a feeling of helplessness, as though I feel that I have no control over my daily life and am powerless to stop it. For me that fit in quite well because I don't like my job, can't find a new one, etc. Perhaps your feeling of helplessness comes from the students you teach? Since some of them seem to be very difficult to reach.

I don't watch the Gillmore girls. I watch jepardy and scream out the answers. That is probably why I live alone.

The girl with the orthoevra patch? Should have her fertility taken away. Harsh, I know, but it just seems that by that point it is time to hand in your baby making card, sorry folks, no more calls, we're sterylizing this one. Not because she would produce stupid babies, but more likely because she would leave them on the car and drive away or try to feed a newborn frenchfries.

I typed with with carpal tunnel just for you. Ouch.

November 22, 2006 1:42 PM  
Blogger Aleigh said...

I'm hoping it turns out that Christopher's and Lorelai's marriage isn't legal since they got married in France...but if you would like a full recap, I suggest Television Without Pity.

November 22, 2006 2:41 PM  
Blogger Fraulein N said...

See, I thought Darwinism took care of all that shit, but I guess that's why there are so many morons (like Bunny girl) running around to begin with. You have to figure her mom and dad aren't exactly geniuses, either.

Oh, and Victoria's Secret bras are crap. They disintegrate as soon as they're within two feet of a washing machine.

November 22, 2006 4:38 PM  
Blogger Glamorous said...

I've had teeth falling out dreams too. I was told that it means you've lost trust in someone or something. It made sense to me at the time.

And Victoria's Secret bras? Suck. That's all there is to it. There was one kind that fit me like four years ago, but of course that particular style was discontinued the day after I bought it & fell in love with it.

November 22, 2006 5:38 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

On the other side, here, and maybe I'm chiming in late in the game, but re: VS bras... I can't seem to find bras anywhere else that I actually like. I'm a 34 C-D (D-at VS, other places it depends), and their padded bras give me great support, although according to my sister, why the hell do I need any padding (she's jealous). Anyway, I digress. If not VS, where's a good place to get a nice, sexy and supportive (padded?) 34-D? It seems like in my size, they don't make any padded bras anywhere else.

Okay, I'm done now. I miss Luke & Loralai, too. There's something amiss with this whole Christopher thing. Though Luke was kind of a dick.

November 24, 2006 9:48 PM  
Blogger Mrs. T said...

1. We've got the Starbucks at Target. It must be why they call it "Super Target". Mmmmm. Starbucks.

2. VS bras are crap. Just when you find one that fits, they quit making it and they fall apart very quickly.

3. GG- of course Lorelei (or at least the character that claims to be Lorelei) is showing signs of regretting her idiotic marriage to Christopher. Rory and Logan are getting pissy with each other over dumb things.
No, you didn't miss anything.

4. Teeth dream- had it, very creepy. I've only had it a couple of times, each time was when I was overwhelmed with how busy and tired I was in my life. The one I have the most is where I am back at college and a week before the final, realize that I've forgotten to go to class all semester. Hate that.

5. The BC patch story is almost funny, were it not so painfully true. People are idiots. She needs to be surgically sterilized.

November 25, 2006 9:59 AM  
Blogger s said...

I've read that the tooth-loss dreams mean that you feel you've lost control of some aspect of your life. That correlates pretty well to how I've been feeling when I have such dreams.

And VS bras are horrible. If you have a Soma (Chico's-associated undies store) near you, their bras seem pretty good and fairly durable. (Now that I've said this, will mine all break?)

November 28, 2006 4:09 PM  

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