Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Is It Acceptable for a Grown Woman to Smell Like a Gingerbread House?

Wait, don't answer that. For today, it's too late.

The last time I visited Bath & Body Works, I bought this. You know, me, Christmas/Christmas, me. We're like this. (Cue mental image of index and middle finger crossed tightly in universal sign for inappropriate relationship between human being and holiday.)

It's one of those annoying 27-in-1 products. You know, I'm a shampoo, I'm a bubble bath, you can use me to wash your dishes AND your car, I'm also a dog shampoo, a floor cleaner and a cocktail if you add rum. So my plan was just to use it as hand soap and leave it at that. I don't like to encourage over-achievers. They can be so smug and presumptuous.

But this morning, I was out of my Aveeno shaving gel (of course - I'm always out of something) and I figured using the 3-in-1 Gingerbread Explosion wouldn't be a bad substitute. And hell, while I'm in here, I might as well just use it as a shower gel, too. But not the shampoo - NEVER the shampoo. My stylist would take out a hit on me if he found out I did that.

And now, as I march around, doing Saturday chores and running Saturday errands, I keep looking over my shoulder, expecting to see a giant gingerbread man following me. (Note to self: Must. Stop. Eating. Dog. Tranquilizers.)

In our sexuality textbook, the authors wrote something about men finding the scents of doughnuts, pumpkin pie and black licorice most arousing, so if I want to attract a bunch of weirdos who were interviewed by the authors of a human sexuality textbook, I guess I'm all set. (Gingerbread being in the same neighborhood as pumpkin pie, I think.)

So, what's the rule, anyway? WWAWD? That's "What Would Anna Wintour Do?" for you non-Vogue readers. My hunch is, she'd rather be doused with fake blood (which, you know, she should be used to by now) than dip her limbs in anything smelling like gingerbread. I guess I have my answer.

Signing off, with much shame, Teacher "I'm really a human, not a Christmas decoration" Lady.

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7 Comments:

Blogger Silliyak said...

Hmmmmmmm, GINGERBREAD, Aggggggg (cue Homer Simpson drooling visual)

November 18, 2006 1:59 PM  
Blogger The "Mind" said...

Hey. On the bright side, it isn't summer and you aren't being followed around by a zillion hungry bees. I'm betting gingerbread is a scent they'd probably like.

Pman's got a thing for bleach. But there's no way I'm dabbing some of that behind my ears. (And dear gob, what does that say about him? LOL!)

November 18, 2006 4:40 PM  
Blogger Mrs. T said...

I love me some B& BW, but I don't like smelling like anything edible, unless it's citrus.
Mr. T is more of a Chanel man himself. (Which is hilarious, because it makes him sound like such a metrosexual and he's really not. He needs to be gently reminded to trim his own toenails for god's sake!)

November 18, 2006 6:12 PM  
Blogger Art Nerd Lauren said...

Thanking my lucky stars I can't wear anything B&BW, for fear of hives. Because I used to be always suckered into the lotion/gel/spray combo dealie and would absolutely REEK of fake flowerstench.

Pumpkin pie is totally related to the smell of gingerbread.

November 18, 2006 9:22 PM  
Blogger JustMe said...

is it so wrong that i want some of my own gingerbread magic bottle goodness? yes, i am a christmas fanatic as well! and oh my gosh, i actually think that smelling like gingerbread is loveley. after all, it's "all the spice, none of the crumbs".

November 19, 2006 5:39 AM  
Blogger ProfessorDog said...

I read somewhere that shower gel and bubble bath are chemically the same thing, just with a different label. The bubble-bath people realized that sales were going down as showers rose in popularity, so they decided to pretend there was a special! product! just! for! showers!

(I love that I apparently think there's some sort of bubble-bath cartel conspiring to defraud the American People. That's just how I roll.)

November 19, 2006 7:09 PM  
Blogger Erika said...

Did you smell the "Caramel Corn" scent? GOB HELP US!

November 20, 2006 9:29 AM  

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