Santa Baby Wishes His Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me
I made the mistake of going to Bath and Body Works tonight. It was packed. Is there some kind of pending soap shortage that no one told me about? Some kind of code-red dry skin emergency? I did not know that Tuesday night was the night all kinds of suburban women go nuts buying shower gel.
Anyway, they (B&BW, not the surburban women) are ALL decked out for Christmas, including the Christmas tunes playing. All I can say is: Gob help those poor women. Those poor, poor, poor women. If you've worked retail during the holiday season you know exactly what I'm talking about.
As I was waiting for one of the lovely young women to come and separate me from my hard-earned cash, I picked up the "Bath and Body Works Christmas Joy CD of All That is Wrong and Unholy in the Universe" because it includes my all-time favorite Christmas song, Santa Baby done by the PussyCat-freakin' slut-Dolls. As Fraulein N would say, "Aw, hell to the naw."
There is one person who performs Santa Baby. Her name is Eartha Kitt. No one else has any business singing that song. As far as I'm concerned, Madonna, Willa-Freakin'-Ford and now the Pussy Cat Dolls might as well have pulled out a handful of the Virgin Mary's hair and poked the Baby Jesus in the eye. It is so wrong.
(And if anyone points out that Santa is secular and technically has nothing to do with the religious traditions behind Christmas, the Baby Jesus won't be the only one gettin' poked in the eye.)
Anyway, they (B&BW, not the surburban women) are ALL decked out for Christmas, including the Christmas tunes playing. All I can say is: Gob help those poor women. Those poor, poor, poor women. If you've worked retail during the holiday season you know exactly what I'm talking about.
As I was waiting for one of the lovely young women to come and separate me from my hard-earned cash, I picked up the "Bath and Body Works Christmas Joy CD of All That is Wrong and Unholy in the Universe" because it includes my all-time favorite Christmas song, Santa Baby done by the PussyCat-freakin' slut-Dolls. As Fraulein N would say, "Aw, hell to the naw."
There is one person who performs Santa Baby. Her name is Eartha Kitt. No one else has any business singing that song. As far as I'm concerned, Madonna, Willa-Freakin'-Ford and now the Pussy Cat Dolls might as well have pulled out a handful of the Virgin Mary's hair and poked the Baby Jesus in the eye. It is so wrong.
(And if anyone points out that Santa is secular and technically has nothing to do with the religious traditions behind Christmas, the Baby Jesus won't be the only one gettin' poked in the eye.)
Labels: Manic Rants, NaBloPoMo
posted by Teacher lady | 9:26 PM
11 Comments:
Noooooooo! It's Marilyn! How dare you!
Amen, sister! For many, many, many years, I worked retail @ Christmastime. Oh, the horror. I still have nightmares. Which is why I always have my Christmas shopping done in November & I only enjoy Christmas music on Christmas Eve. (Please don't hate me.)
Also, just between you & I? My husband totally loves "Don't Cha". So wrong.
You make me laugh. And I couldn't agree more about Eartha Kitt. She was born to sing that song. And be Cat Woman.
I would have preferred not even knowing there was another "Santa Baby" version out there. Some things are best left unchanged...forever.
I agree with you on the Eartha Kitt ruling. Although, I have a cd where the lovely Gwen Stefani does a decent rendition.
Retail has ruined Christmas entirely for many an American. I have worked at the mall on Dec. 24. It's like the 3rd circle of Hell. Truly. What would make the B and BW worse would be Country music Christmas.
I hope you bought some yummy smellin stuff for all you had to go through!
"There is one person who performs Santa Baby. Her name is Eartha Kitt. No one else has any business singing that song."
Oh, a-freaking-men!
But isn't that sort of the modus operandi of a lot of bands today? Take a song that is (and should be) only identified with one individual, and "remake" it to try to make it "theirs," and by the transitive property, get some of the fame or cachet or simple sophistication of the original performer to reflect on them?
I mean: they remade Casino Royale. Casino freaking Royale.
I'd like to see a moratorium on covers and remakes of movies. Doesn't anyone have creativity any more?
Wait, wasn't it Beyonce (and I'm cracking up thinking about this) who covered "Silent Night" (hee!) ... and then GAVE HERSELF A WRITING CREDIT FOR IT? Bwah! I guess she added a few "whoa-oh-ohs" or something.
this entry simultaneously gave me giggles and shivers, because as a college student, I worked in a B&BW during the holiday season, including the killer day after thanksgiving! oh yes!
I never understand this whole 'Santa is secular' thing. How can that be? Isn't Santa SAINT Nicholas? A CATHOLIC SAINT? If he's secular, then I guess Mardi Gras is too, and maybe soon even the much-debated creche scene!
Just found your blog - LOVE IT! Am I crazy or is your wallpaper a lovely design of diaphrams and speculums?
Kim, you are GOOD! Not only IS Santa technically a SAINT, but my wallpaper is (also) diaphragms and speculums. I'm impressed!
I was searching on Google for "When is Santa Baby on", hoping to find non-US airings of the new ABC Family movie and came across your site. First, I want to commend you for ranting about American's dumbing down, lost manners, etc., etc. I'm right there with you!
Next, oh boy, do I agree about the state of contemporary Christmas music. Eons ago, I worked in a mall and was compelled to listen to the junk for 12 hours straight for several weeks. Thought I'd be driven mad. However, this is not just a rant. I would like to offer a solution: Christmas Healing Volume I. (There are three volumes, to be released over the next two years.) It is a collaboration of New Age goddess Diane Arkenstone (fabulous, sultry vocals) and Misha Segal (more on him in a bit), with some fabulous guitar work by Peter Hume.
Now, I am not a fan of New Age music, per se--too many "MIDI-ocrites" (yes, I coined that word; feel free to rant on that, too); however, I am a big fan of Diane Arkenstone. She is truly an artist and a darn good musician with, honestly IMHO, one of the best adult contemporary pop voices in years. (BTW, she's on the ballot for two grammies, one for Pop and one for New Age.)
Now if you don't mind terribly, I will tell you a little bit about Santa Baby: New ABC Family movie
directed by Ron Underwood (City Slickers, Stealing Sinatra), produced by Craig McNeil, starring Jenny McCarthy and George Wendt ("NOOOORMMM!!!") and scored by Misha Segal (Life and Adventures of Santa Claus, Phantom of the Opera, Last Dragon, Pippi Longstocking on the film side and one often-sampled, fabulous song popularized by Luther Vandross---Georgy Peorgy---and many other albums with several artists: Chava Alberstein, Phyllis Hyman, Nancy Wilson, Randy Crawford, and a couple of his own jazz albums featuring Chick Corea, Freddy Hubbard and Ira Nepus; and a new CD launching the career of Luisa Lubell from South Florida, an incredible latin pop and reggaeton CD called Amigos).
In other words, Misha is no stranger to Christmas music AND he's got such a diverse, accomplished musical background that I really think you'd enjoy his and Diane's Christmas Healing.
I honestly did not come here for shameless promotion; rather, I feel yore Christmas music pain and wanted to offer the antidote...because, well, with Christmas Healing (in stores at Borders, Barnes & Noble, online at Amazon and others), there's just no need to suffer anymore.
Thanks in advance; yule be happy to know the peoples will appreciate knowing there is an alternative to the standard shopping mall-ized holiday music fare.
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