Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Breaking Up

It's been coming for some time. Things just weren't the same. He wasn't listening to me anymore. I told him about the things he did that made me unhappy and he said he'd fix them, but he never did. Yesterday, I woke up and it was the last straw.

I left my hairdresser for another woman.

We started our new relationship today. Already, I feel different. She listens to me. She understands my past and my present. She "gets" my shortcomings and weaknesses but doesn't use them as an excuse not to do her job.

I figured she was the best person to ask about being dumped. After all, it happens to everyone eventually. And he doesn't even know I've left yet. Typical. It will be at least 3 weeks before he even notices I'm gone.

She suggested honesty - and of course, courtesy and kindness. "You should send him a note. Let him know why you finally had to leave. At least he will know and he won't be up at night, wondering what he did wrong, or if there was anything he could have done to save the relationship."

Okay, so this was obviously tongue-in-cheek, but yet it is such a serious issue that it warranted its own Seinfeld episode. How do you "break up" with your hairdresser? Can you just "stop calling" or does it depend on how long you were together? What if you see him out in public? Are you just supposed to act like nothing happened? But just by looking at you, he can see you're with someone new. And how can that not hurt a person? He's still waiting by the phone, doodling your name in his appointment book and you have so clearly moved on.

Question du jour: Have you ever had to "break up" with a hairdresser? Did you ever "cheat" on your hairdresser? Break up and get back together? Try to be in more than one relationship at a time? (That would be the person who goes to one salon for color and a completely different one for cut.) What, exactly, is the protocol here? I believe my new hairdresser that sending a kind "Sorry it's over, but here's why" note is probably the mature thing to do. But when have I ever been mature? That's right, never. Would you send a note?

Inquiring minds really do want to know.

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Blogger StyleyGeek said...

My hairdresser once spent about 20 minutes ranting about how bizarre it was that a customer had sent her a note explaining that he was going elsewhere. She said she didn't understand why anyone would think she would care one way or another.

Obviously not a customer-focused person. Or maybe things are just different in Australia.

At least it meant I didn't have to feel guilty when I left her (for a younger woman).

November 23, 2006 2:40 AM  
Blogger William the Coroner said...

My latest barber is a five minute walk from my office, which is why I go to him.

I left my last one because she kept complaining about how busy and irritating her customers were. I eased her stress by leaving.

And, no, why would you say anything? Relationship? There's no relationship in "Short back and sides today doc?" "Sure."


November 23, 2006 9:30 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

I'm one of those fickle people who almost never goes to the same person twice....I think I've just never found anyone I've LOVED and with long straight boring hair, there isn't much anyone can do to it.

I'd say it comes with the territory of being a need to explain or send a note.

November 23, 2006 6:58 PM  
Blogger Art Nerd Lauren said...

I am glad I love my hairdresser. She's my husband's cousin, so it's not like I could just avoid her. My mom just recently left her hairdresser of forever. The break was easy though, because my mom's hours did not mesh with hers. I don't know etiquette on this one, but it's not as sticky as it could be if the "other woman" was at the same salon! The horror!

November 23, 2006 9:36 PM  
Blogger Tense Teacher said...

Seems that, as long as the stylist is not in the same salon, you don't owe him anything, especially if he wasn't delivering the service you asked for and since you PAY him.

November 23, 2006 10:17 PM  
Blogger The "Mind" said...

I've actually been known to tell hairdressers that I'm on the search for a new one and yes, this is their interview. LOL! But I've never sent one a note saying I was moving on and why. I figure me never showing up again is notice enough.

On a side note, the hairdresser I searched long and hard for (and suffered through some bad 'dos for to find her) is leaving next month. And not just leaving, she's moving clear across the country. Wahhhh!

She recommended another girl at the same salon, so I'll give that one a go, but no promises.

November 24, 2006 3:01 PM  
Blogger Shawnee said...

My mom is a hairdresser, & I worked in an Aveda spa / salon a million years ago, so I feel uniquely qualified to answer this one.

Unless you have an "outside" relationship with your previous hairdresser (he's a relative, a neighbor, in the same yoga class . . . ), there's really no need to send a note. Trust me, he'll figure it out. Although people tend to feel close to their hairdresser, it is a business relationship, not a personal one. Would you send your plumber or dentist a note if you decided to switch to someone else? (If the answer to that is "yes", you have bigger problems than we can cover here!)

November 24, 2006 11:01 PM  
Blogger Mrs. T said...

I was just thinking about this very dilemma. My mom goes to the same woman she's gone to since 1974. I'm not kidding. She's branched out a few different times, but she always ends up back at this woman. She cuts my aunt's hair and Mr. T's hair, too. She used to cut my hair, but I have since left her- it was very awkward and I didn't send a note. She was not meeting my needs, and I'm a white-knuckler anyway when it comes to having my hair done. She just didn't understand my hair.
No note. Just move on. This was a funny post- and so, so true!

November 25, 2006 9:51 AM  

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