My Life is Complete

One of my colleagues welcomed me back to school with a gift. My very own Jesus action figure, complete with glow-in-the-dark hands. If you want to buy your very own Prince of Peace, you can get yourself some salvation at entertainmentearth.com. Our Savior retails for only $12.99. My colleague is aware of my obsession with a little website called Jesus of the Week, which has served as relief from Corporate America tedium for more years than I can count.

Anyway, this is ALL very ironic, largely due to the student who e-mailed me just the other day. It turns out, I should have been scared by the Jesus reference at the bottom of her e-mail.

Nothing is worse than a know-it-all who doesn't really know it all. The first week of class, we discuss Chapter 1 - sort of an overview on sexuality. One of the things the authors of the text discuss is the impact Christianity has had on the Western world's take on sex. Of course, the authors write about Paul of Tarsus and how he believed celibacy was the key to spirituality, and if you weren't at all interested in controlling your baser urges, then at least have sex only within the confines of marriage. First of all, this student is a senior. Her brother is a freshman. They sat WAY too close to each other (in a Friends "The One with the Inappropriate Sister" episode kind of way) and whispered and conferred with each other on everything I said. I kind of felt like I was in a debate. So, sister raises her hand and says, "Um, I'm not really familiar with that take on the Bible. I don't really think that's true. The Lord told us to be fruitful and multiply."Why, why, WHY doesn't my brain work faster than it does? I should have said, "Well, we're just interested in our authors' take on the Bible, so let's stick with that." Instead I get all flustered (as usual) and start stammering and stuttering about how that's certainly interesting, but I'm not a theology expert, and blah, blah, blah. THEN I continue with the text notes and talk about Eve (as in Adam and Eve) as the "ultimate temptress" and how some speculate that the real original sin was not eating a fruit from the tree of Knowledge, but taking Knowledge in its more, um, Biblical meaning. As in, "Adam knew Eve in the Biblical sense." I am interrupted from my lecture by frantic whispering - Bible sibs are muttering to each other so quickly, I start to wonder if I'm in actual physical danger of some sort. Hand shoots up in the air. "Um, that's not at all true. In fact, I've NEVER heard that." Why can't I say, "Really? Well, I don't care and clearly you don't get out much." Then, to top it all off, they come traipsing up to my office so inappropriate brother can get a syllabus, and much to my horror, I completely forgot about my totally politically incorrect, intolerant, inappropriate Jesus Action Figure. Oy.