Things a Husband Just Should Not Say. Ever.
1. When your wife has just spent boatloads of cash (which is in short supply anyway, what with the world's biggest kitchen/living room/first floor remodel) on getting her hair colored, cut and highlighted you should NOT say: "I dunno. It kinda looks exactly the same to me." ESPECIALLY when your mother (God rest her soul) was a HAIRDRESSER and you spent the Saturdays of your youth in a hair salon, sweeping hair, putting towels in the dryer and running to get the old blue-haired ladies their coffee. AND you have three sisters. Honey, you should know better.
2. When your wife, who has done nothing resembling exercise, in, oh, I don't know, years, finally is terrified by a glimpse of her upper arms asks, "Honey, where are my hand weights?" you should not ask, "Why?" because you will get the stupid answer I gave you. "I don't know - I thought maybe I'd use them to build the dog a house. Because I want to do my arms video, that's why." Do not make a bad situation worse by saying, "You're going to have to do it more than once, you know." Really? I had NO idea. Here I thought I'd just do it once and then, viola! Angelina Jolie arms. Sheesh.
3. And finally: Even if your wife is a notorious spiller (aside - when I was in fifth grade, my parents got new carpet in the family room. Within the first week, I had spilled soda on it, oh, five times. Accidentally. I was then banned from having liquids in the family room for quite some time. I think I was finally allowed to have beverages with me when I was . . . in tenth grade? I can't quite remember.) , do NOT, under any circumstances, do NOT suggest - even if you just took a whole week of vacation to put in the new floor - that your wife start using a sippy cup. That's just not good politics, my friend.