Things a Husband Just Should Not Say. Ever.
Most of the time, I think Mr. J. is pretty great. I love him, I'm the luckier one, blah, blah, blah. But nobody's perfect, right? (Sorry, honey. Not even you.) I've been meaning to create this short list as a PSA to the married men who read Teacher Lady's ramblings (primarily Colorado Dale and Zygote Daddy, although I haven't seen him in a while.) Of course, I also have to say I'm sure neither one of you would ever say such things to your dear wives.
Ahem:
1. When your wife has just spent boatloads of cash (which is in short supply anyway, what with the world's biggest kitchen/living room/first floor remodel) on getting her hair colored, cut and highlighted you should NOT say: "I dunno. It kinda looks exactly the same to me." ESPECIALLY when your mother (God rest her soul) was a HAIRDRESSER and you spent the Saturdays of your youth in a hair salon, sweeping hair, putting towels in the dryer and running to get the old blue-haired ladies their coffee. AND you have three sisters. Honey, you should know better.
2. When your wife, who has done nothing resembling exercise, in, oh, I don't know, years, finally is terrified by a glimpse of her upper arms asks, "Honey, where are my hand weights?" you should not ask, "Why?" because you will get the stupid answer I gave you. "I don't know - I thought maybe I'd use them to build the dog a house. Because I want to do my arms video, that's why." Do not make a bad situation worse by saying, "You're going to have to do it more than once, you know." Really? I had NO idea. Here I thought I'd just do it once and then, viola! Angelina Jolie arms. Sheesh.
3. And finally: Even if your wife is a notorious spiller (aside - when I was in fifth grade, my parents got new carpet in the family room. Within the first week, I had spilled soda on it, oh, five times. Accidentally. I was then banned from having liquids in the family room for quite some time. I think I was finally allowed to have beverages with me when I was . . . in tenth grade? I can't quite remember.) , do NOT, under any circumstances, do NOT suggest - even if you just took a whole week of vacation to put in the new floor - that your wife start using a sippy cup. That's just not good politics, my friend.
Ahem:
1. When your wife has just spent boatloads of cash (which is in short supply anyway, what with the world's biggest kitchen/living room/first floor remodel) on getting her hair colored, cut and highlighted you should NOT say: "I dunno. It kinda looks exactly the same to me." ESPECIALLY when your mother (God rest her soul) was a HAIRDRESSER and you spent the Saturdays of your youth in a hair salon, sweeping hair, putting towels in the dryer and running to get the old blue-haired ladies their coffee. AND you have three sisters. Honey, you should know better.
2. When your wife, who has done nothing resembling exercise, in, oh, I don't know, years, finally is terrified by a glimpse of her upper arms asks, "Honey, where are my hand weights?" you should not ask, "Why?" because you will get the stupid answer I gave you. "I don't know - I thought maybe I'd use them to build the dog a house. Because I want to do my arms video, that's why." Do not make a bad situation worse by saying, "You're going to have to do it more than once, you know." Really? I had NO idea. Here I thought I'd just do it once and then, viola! Angelina Jolie arms. Sheesh.
3. And finally: Even if your wife is a notorious spiller (aside - when I was in fifth grade, my parents got new carpet in the family room. Within the first week, I had spilled soda on it, oh, five times. Accidentally. I was then banned from having liquids in the family room for quite some time. I think I was finally allowed to have beverages with me when I was . . . in tenth grade? I can't quite remember.) , do NOT, under any circumstances, do NOT suggest - even if you just took a whole week of vacation to put in the new floor - that your wife start using a sippy cup. That's just not good politics, my friend.
posted by Teacher lady | 10:22 AM
4 Comments:
LMAO! Sippy cup!?!?! Is he still alive after that?
Yes, but I just told a friend of mine I have a really strong urge to bounce a sippy cup off of his head.
Ha ha -- sippy cups. We weren't allowed to have drinks in the family room at my house either. Now that I'm an adult the rules have lifted, but I'm still on edge every time I bring a glass of water with me to watch TV when I'm visiting my family.
J, you should know better! I mean, my Boyfriend is starting to get grays on his temples but do I dare mention this to him? NO WAY. It's just common sense!
I LOVE this post.......my ex-husband came out with a few corkers too.............'its a long way from the top of your bottom to the bottom of your bottom' was one of my favourites......then after we split he said....'why couldnt you lose this weight 4 years ago?'!....my reply?.......'why? would have made you less gay????!!!!
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