Don't get me wrong

I know I have a good gig going. Today, the students made accurate representations (or they tried - I'm not sure I could do any better) of the male and female internal reproductive structures using Play-Doh. This was a big hit. I took pictures with my digital camera (obviously) and now the class is voting to see which team wins the "prize" - a point or two of extra credit. Students are such extra credit junkies - they'd come over and dust my blinds if they thought it would get them two extra points. But if they're junkies, what does that make me? Their pusher?

Anyway, before The Great Play-Doh Experiment, I did a brief lecture on the male anatomy. I explained how the penis is composed of three cylinders - two cavernous bodies (the corpora cavernosa) and one spongy body (the corpus spongiosum) - and sometimes, in a very rare twist of "How the hell did THAT happen?" a man can break one of the cavernous bodies (Look at that! Entertaining and educational!) This is always great for shock value. This is also the point where someone usually volunteers that he (or his, um, cousin) broke his penis. There is a student in this class that I had last spring in my Personal Health class. He got an "A" in Personal Health, although I'm not entirely sure how that happened. Let's call him "Biff." So Biff raises his hand and asks, "Isn't the clitoris made of the same spongy tissue?" Well, Biff, yes, you're right. "Then how come the book doesn't say anything about a woman breaking her clitoris?" And this is the point where I say the same thing I say about a million times when teaching Human Sexuality: "You know, I'm not a physician, so I'm not going to say something couldn't happen or would never happen, but it sounds a little bit unlikely." Then Biff asks, "Well, like, but what about like, if you're, like, having sex and she like, you know, falls off and hits a shelf?"

Um, WHAT!?!?!??!?!?!!?!??!

Wait, - I'm sorry, what!??!?!?!?!???!?!?

Dear God in heaven, what EXACTLY are you doing? ? She is going to fall off, hit a shelf and land on her clitoris? I can't imagine it would be more difficult to fall on any other body part. Except for maybe that thing above your upper lip, whatever that's called. Or your earlobe.

I am all for "whatever happens in the bedroom of two consenting adults is their business," blah, blah, blah, bring in the broomsticks and butter for all I care.

Sometimes, this job gets the best of me and I said something I am not very proud of. I was neither composed nor professional. I said:

"If your girlfriend is flying across the room and hitting a shelf, you've got serious problems and I can't help you. And by the way, it sounds like she should be wearing a helmet for safety purposes."

Again. Not proud. Not supportive. Will probably never get a sex-radio talk show like my idol Dr. Judy or even like Sue Johanson on the Oxygen network. Oh, well.