Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Friday, August 11, 2006

How I Met My Husband: Part III in a Series

I cannot believe the last time I wrote about this, it was back in June! I hope you'll find this pathetic story was worth the wait.

I had two years of circus-freak dating between the end of one relationship and the beginning of the relationship with my husband. I truly am grateful for those two years now, but at the time I thought the cosmos had a really, really sick sense of humor. Near the end of those two years, thinks were starting to get really bad. Exhibit A:

My friend Sondra set me up with one of her former co-workers. At this point, I had reduced my standards to just a few things. Namely: Does he wear jewelry? Perhaps it has to do with the fact that the men in my family only ever wore wedding rings and watches, or perhaps it has to do with the fact that my ex-husband wore a freakin' hematite strand of BEADS (weirdo!), but I do not like the men I date to wear jewelry. Sondra assured me that Matthew did not, in fact, "wear gems." (Her words.) We went on exactly one date. During dinner, he asked me, "What do you suppose happens to the souls of all the poor little aborted babies?" (Seriously, WTF?!?!? To quote a friend of mine, "Am I in a skit?") Dude, you've got the wrong girl. And even if you had the right girl, is that really first date "dinner" conversation? I think not.

I ignored his subsequent voicemails (I know, I'm brave like that) and then finally he sent me a heart-breaking e-mail about how he thought we really "clicked" and he was so confused and was there something he did or didn't do that perhaps he could fix? So, I tried to write the nicest e-mail I could think of and said something about how I was really off-the-chart pro-choice, and his question kind of freaked me out. Then he e-mailed me back about how he just loves kids and he is one of 5 and how his parents did such an amazing job (barf!) and he can't WAIT to be a parent, and he was just, you know, kind of wondering. It didn't mean he was anti-abortion or anything.

Like the true coward I am, instead of picking up the phone, I continued in this non-sensical e-mail vein. I had my get-out-of-jail-free pass. Kids!? I'm out. That simple. My uterus is not set up for boarders. No vacancies. I e-mailed him that sorry - but clearly, we were not a good match, since he wanted to start his own basketball team, and I was not exactly the maternal type.

Then, he e-mailed ME back and said it was okay - he didn't necessarily have to have kids if the right person was in his life.

Oy. So sad, really. We're all just lookin' for a little love, a little companionship and some of us are a bit more desperate than others.

And this isn't even the date I was going to write about - this was just a prelude to the straw that broke the camel's back! Perhaps another post today is imminent.



Blogger ColoradoCastaway said...

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said "Smile: Your Mother Was Pro-Life" I wanted to accelerate ant a high rate of speed and ram thet sticker up the guys ass. For your information Dickhead, My mother was/is Por-Choice, she Chose to have me. Which I find much more loving than if she were forced to have me and didn't want me. Fuckin A-holes!!
ANd speaking of people and there differences, I think you might find my post today interesting along that same vein.

August 11, 2006 11:10 AM  
Blogger Katherine said...

Wow. Poor guy, you almost had to root for him. What part of "I'm a sex ed teacher" did he not get??

August 11, 2006 11:30 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

Skit, no shit, eh? These stories do read like SNL plot lines.

That definitely is an over-the-line conversation starter. Though I'd probably be tempted to totally fuck with his mind and start telling him that the Duggars are my heros.

August 11, 2006 1:08 PM  
Blogger Miss Britt said...

Good Lord woman! what kind of pheromones are you giving off?! This one story suddenly makes me glad I married so young.

August 11, 2006 1:45 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

Oh I hope another post comes soon... now my curiousity is really piqued.

August 11, 2006 2:01 PM  
Anonymous Drunkenspaniel said...

Desperation is so unsexy. Nothing turns you off like someone who's too eager to be liked. I think its something locked in our evolutionary memories. We are programmed with "Do not mate with the desperate ones - your babies will be deformed" or something.

August 11, 2006 2:10 PM  
Blogger Fraulein N said...

Aw, that guy was so sad. Here you were, throwing clues and anvils at him left and right. And he just didn't get it.

August 11, 2006 4:21 PM  
Blogger desiree said...

I've been waiting for months to get the next part in this series! it is about time! I'd almost say "poor guy" but hs patheticness is pathetic in not a good way. At least there wasn't jewlery. I don't like jewlery on a man myself.

I love your shoes. They are adorable.

August 11, 2006 4:38 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

Circus-freak dating? I love it, what a picture. I should ask my readers if any of them have done that sport. I don't even know the rules. How do you tell who won the game? :o)

Seriously, you do what it takes to find some companionship in this world. I'm looking forward to a happy ending to this story!

To Love, Honor and Dismay

August 11, 2006 6:47 PM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

Oh geez. Major red flags popping up left and right there, but more sad than threatening.

August 11, 2006 9:56 PM  
Blogger Mab said...

"Smile: Your Mother Was Pro-Life"

THAT is totally wrong! My mom had an abortion before me, so I can debunk that one. And then she had her tubes tied!

Lord, deliver us from the anti-abortionists! Why do they have to be such haters?

I don't blame you a bit for running. That's an excellent opening for a short story, though...

August 12, 2006 6:46 PM  
Blogger liberalbanana said...

I love these date posts. You've met some real crazies, Teacher Lady! And his line about "he didn't necessarily have to have kids if the right person was in his life" is total BS. If he wants kids, he wants kids. Extremely few and far between are the people who say they won't have kids just to make their spouses happy and do not end up breaking the relationship up because they've changed their minds.

August 14, 2006 8:04 AM  
Anonymous Vic said...

I wanna hear the hubby storeeeeeeeeeee (I know that's not how you spell story, but I wanted to get the whiney effect in there)

You tease.

August 14, 2006 8:26 PM  
Blogger Mrs. T said...

Yikes, what a pathetic guy. I agree with Liberal Banana- if people want kids, they want kids. There is no "I don't care- whatever Wifey wants." And as for your dinner conversation- what. a . fa reak.
Can't wait to hear about that proverbial straw!

August 15, 2006 8:33 AM  
Anonymous Julie said...

"Am I in a skit?" Oh, that is so funny! Couldn't agree more about men & jewelry.

August 26, 2006 8:59 AM  

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