Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Is nothing sacred?

Last weekend we bought a car. I didn't used to care about cars; I thought coveting your neighbor's car was just bad for the environment (and materialistic and shallow.) Then, I went to work in the auto insurance industry and spent lots of time around cars and more time around people who know lots about cars, and I guess I got "car fever." Better than "baby fever" if you ask me, but that's another story. And at least it's not "SUV fever". Sheesh. Talk about socially irresponsible.

So, we bought a beautiful "pre-owned" 2003 Saab. In Merlot (how freaking cool is that? Naming the color of a car after a type of alcohol? Sheer-freaking-genius, that is. Will there be a day when a car color is "Flirtini?" We can only hope. And pray.) With heated leather seats. This is all I have ever really wanted. In life. Ever. Heated leather seats. Why I like them so much, or when I first learned about them, I cannot say. But I love them. Interestingly, many people do not share this love. I guess heated leather seats are an acquired taste, like sushi, or Kevin Smith movies. But the best thing about heated leather seats is that for once in my life, something I like is GOOD for me!!!! Red wine? Jury still out on that one. Some days, good for you; some days, not so much. Coffee? Well, I just found out if you drink unfiltered coffee (as I do), it is bad, bad BAD for you, and you'd just better hope your cholesterol levels don't shoot through the roof and kill you while you're doing something important, like performing surgery or driving. Sugar? SweetTarts, Sour Patch Kids, Gobstoppers, Runts and every stupid sugary candy ever made by "Willy Wonka?" Bad. And I've got the crowns to prove it. Oy. Are they expensive! Sitting around on my couch, doing nothing, or watching back-to-back episodes of Gilmore Girls? Bad. It's not weight-bearing exercise. I'm not fighting osteoporosis sitting there on the couch. I'm not changing the world. I'm not even lowering my resting heart rate. Blogging? See sitting around on couch, doing nothing. Gabbing on the cell phone? Bad. I'm probably giving myself a tumor the size of a Nerf football as we speak (no pun intended.) Eating salt and vinegar potato chips? Also, most definitely bad. The list goes on and on.

But. Heated leather seats? How could they possibly be bad? Health professor/colleague and friend informs me yesterday that if one is prone to yeast infections, one should be VERY wary of heated leather seats. They can, ah, "cook things up," as she said. For chrissakes. Can't I have ANYTHING!?!?!? This blows.


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