Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Insult to Injury

Poor Minnie. This morning, she had to go to the groomer's. I may have mentioned that Minnie has all kinds of "issues." But here's one I will never understand: Why on earth she gets so excited to ride in the car when: 1. She gets car sick and pukes violently at least 50% of the time (and yes, I've thought of not feeding her - stomach bile puke-gagging is even WORSE than food puke. Well, for Minnie, anyway); and 2. She never really goes anywhere good. She goes to the groomer and the vet, and that's pretty much it. Now, I realize dogs don't think like humans (at least not most of the time), but if the only two places you ever went in a car were places where you either got a needle stuck in your hindquarters, or you were manhandled and shaved around your, um, female dog region, would you like to get in a car?

So, of course, poor Minnie got NO breakfast and of course, there was some stupid traffic jam with lots of stop-and-go traffic (VERY bad for Minnie - she does best on freeways, etc.,) and of course, Minnie puked up her stomach bile, all the while I was trying to say comforting things and not get us killed by a semi at the same time.

After the humiliation that is the groomer's, we come home to find MORE signs put up by the realtor. Already, we've had a time or two when people have requested a showing and neither Mr. J. nor I were home. We keep Minnie gated in her basement paradise - the food! the bed! the squeaky toy! and we have told our realtor that ya just don't pet Minnie. Our realtor is supposed to pass this info on to any other visitors. But for the most part, I really plan to be home with her during the showings. I can just take her for a nice, extra-long walk while strangers parade through my home with their dirty feet.

Aside: She's a rescued dog, I've had her for 3 years, I've spent (literally) thousands of dollars on vets and trainers trying to figure out was she abused? Is it a thyroid thing? Is she in pain? Is there a physical reason she's doing this? Point is - please don't ask me, "Have you taken her to a trainer?" I HATE when people ask me that. Like, "What? A trainer? What is it? I've never heard of that! How would I even go about attempting something like that?" The answer is, "Yes, and then some."

On the frame of the doorway to Minnie's basement paradise, we now have this sign. Oh, the humiliation. Why not just write, "Pox" on the doorway instead? Poor Minnie.


Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

That is hilarious. Your realator is taking the Type A personality to a whole new level.

August 15, 2006 1:34 PM  
Blogger Veronica Mitchell said...

Ugh. Your poor house, defiled by all those signs. It's like seeing "Toddler" written in marker on my daughter's forehead.

August 15, 2006 1:39 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

See, the evil genius in me, or maybe just the evil in me, would be so tempted to re-arrange all their signs. You know, so that the window seat said "refrigerator" (maybe someone would think you could lift up the cushion and *voila* there's the fridge...similar to campers) and the toilet said "window seat" (oh, can you imagine the amount of time they'd spend looking for the window?). Bwahaha!

Poor Minnie. She's adorable though.

You should take her on quick trips to the bank. Banks give out dog bones at the drive-thru. Unfortunately, once she gets the hang of ride = good, you won't be able to say the word "ride" without having her spaz out at the door, jumping and twirling in circles like a fool...oh wait, maybe that is just MY dog.


August 15, 2006 1:57 PM  
Blogger Tense Teacher said...

She may be a little humiliated, but she sure does look pretty!

August 15, 2006 4:00 PM  
Blogger ProfessorDog said...

That sign actually makes more sense to me than some of the others. Because you know people will try to pet the dog anyway. Eedjits like me, for instance, who think they are the Dog Whisperer and no dog will bite them. (Once I was at an animal shelter, and there was this parrot. THere was a sign, "Parrot Bites." When I approached the parrot, the shelter worker said, "Don't try to touch it, it bites." When I reached out to touch the parrot, she added, "She really will. She'll take your skin right off." At that point, I decided to humor the lady and not to demonstrate my magical parrot-whisperer powers.) So if somebody tries to pet the dog and gets bitten, the real estate agent doesn't just have to say, "I told them not to pet the dog." She can say, "I told them not to pet the dog, your honor, and I also posted a written warning, seen here as exhibit A."

But I can't imagine what possible ass-covering reason she might have for labeling the window seat.

August 15, 2006 4:07 PM  
Anonymous Vic said...

I think swapping signs is a great idea Sue! That is so something I would do too.

But I think you should get a stuffed toy dog and put that sign next to it.

Or maybe next to a picture of your realtor? did I just say that out loud?

Where's the husband story!!!

August 15, 2006 8:15 PM  
Blogger liberalbanana said...

Poor Minnie! I love how the realtor underlined "DON'T". Like, "Oh shit, I didn't see the N'T - I thought it was an instruction to pet the dog! Like, hey, if you like this dog, it can come with the house!" Wouldn't "Please do not pet the dog" be a bit more polite? This realtor seriously thinks that people are morons. But then again, maybe he or she has had experiences like you with your teaching and has realized that there ARE a lot of senseless people out there!

August 16, 2006 8:53 AM  
Blogger Fraulein N said...

That is the only sign that I can see making any sense. She looks sort of proud about it, actually.

August 16, 2006 8:53 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

I am "house hunting" and I have been to numerous homes and non of them have little signs to explain the objects in the home, my realtor but be really slack. About Minnie and her car sickness, does she get nervous once in the car (ie abnormal amount of panting, drooling, etc)? If she does that could be the reason for her getting sick and there are sedatives that will take the edge off. If she doesn't it might be where she rides. If she were to stay lower in the car she might not get as sick, sometimes the world whipping by just throws them for a loop. Sorry for the long comment.

August 16, 2006 5:20 PM  
Blogger Frank said...

Awww, poor Minnie. BTW, what kind of dog is she? She looks like a Tibetan spaniel to me.

August 16, 2006 11:06 PM  
Blogger Teacher lady said...

Kat - Minnie doesn't seem to get nervous. At first, she's really into it. But I think you might be onto something. She does sometimes jump down onto the floor (passenger side, front seat) and she usually doesn't get sick down there.
Frank - Minnie is a Peke-a-poo, according to the idiots who were her original family. I have had 3 different vets tell me they see the "Peke" but not the "poo" and one vet pointed out that her body and her agility are much like a Corgi. Guess we'll never know. ;-)

August 17, 2006 8:53 AM  
Blogger Frank said...

Yeah, there's definitely no poodle in her. I think I'd go with the Corgi/Peke combo myself.

August 18, 2006 12:03 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

i no you said don't say have you taken her to a trainer...but you should get the Dog Whisperer to come...Caeser Milan (sp?) anyway, he seems to be able to heal any dog of anything! love watching his show on national geographic!

August 27, 2006 6:23 PM  

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