Sex Ed in Higher Ed

College instructor teaching human sexuality rants about the dumbing down of America, the lost art of manners, grammar and (the perfect combination of both) the thank you note. Also includes random rants about life, pet peeves, and sometimes raves about favorite things.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

School is Unofficially in Session

A student e-mailed my advisor some questions about sexually transmitted infections. She answered his questions, while copying me on the e-mail. She gave him my name as a resource and all I can say is "thanks." Ready for this? Here we go:

The Introduction
hi, its joe blow that student whose called you a few times, and
the last time i called you were on a day trip and asked me to email
you my questions, so this is the time when i could so here they are and thanks

Is it really, REALLY so difficult to correctly use punctuation? An apostrophe here or there, and perhaps, I dunno, correct capitalization? I blame text messaging for the demise of both.

The Questions
what are the most serious std's in general (least treatable,
most unpleasant for the longster duration of time and most debilitating or deadly

The longster duration of time? And also, what happened to our friend, Mr. Question Mark? Do you hate him?

Now this one I am including at my own risk, because I know it's going to bring the pervs to my site. And not just any pervs - the pervs who cannot spell (even worse, I think.)

and do you need to use gloves when you fondel a person's genitals.

Hmm . . . Your university e-mail has a spell check function my dear friend. Please employ it occasionally.

Oh - this one is my personal favorite, because he transforms a noun into . . . what? An adjective? Veronica Mitchell, I know you will be able to help me. Behold the horror:

can you open mouth kiss and/ or kiss anyone who's not
visably herpied or whaterver without worrying about aids to
much. i mean, not many people ever get aids from kissing right?

"Visibly herpied?" That is one for the ages. I don't believe I have EVER heard that. And now, since it's made its way into the lower levels of my brain, that basement where I store the mental trash, I have no doubt that the next time I teach the chapter on STIs, I will say something about being "visibly herpied" - much to my dismay.

Oh yes, technically, school doesn't start for another week and a half. But in reality, it's already started. I'm going to celebrate by hiding under my bed.


Blogger Miss Britt said...

LOL oh it's so sad you just can't help but laugh.

And I find myself thinking - what in the heck is this kid doing on his dates??

August 17, 2006 10:22 AM  
Blogger Oh, The Joys said...


Gotta go run and fonDEL my hubbie.

August 17, 2006 10:40 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

I think he is a father's worst nightmare.

"Visibly herpied"...oh. my. gob!


August 17, 2006 11:15 AM  
Blogger liberalbanana said...

Is this for a report or for his own personal knowledge?!? If so, it sounds like he's hanging out with the wrong crowd.

And am I missing something? Do people who have herpes also by default have AIDS?

I'm sorry but I am so glad that school is starting again for you next week. I don't ever laugh the way I laugh when I read your posts...

August 17, 2006 11:17 AM  
Blogger Art Nerd Lauren said...

When you get under the bed, make sure it's stocked with the proper supplies- ie vodka. Wine's too weak for this cause. Sigh

August 17, 2006 11:32 AM  
Blogger Lauren said...

How do these kids even make it into college?? Thank goodness you are there to teach them about sex (and birth control) to prevent them from reproducing!!

August 17, 2006 12:57 PM  
Blogger Erika said...

holy $*&% *$%&*$&@$!!! ROFL!

August 17, 2006 1:52 PM  
Anonymous susie said...

"visably herpied"

I wish you were joking. Now it's stuck in my head, too.

In all seriousness, I thought teaching required English courses (back in the day) guaranteed me contact with the lowest common denominator. Now I see that I should have been grateful that I wasn't teaching sex ed.

August 17, 2006 2:03 PM  
Blogger Veronica Mitchell said...

You make me giddy with laughter. And so you know, if you google "herpied," it asks "Did you mean highered?" Hee hee hee. I cackle hysterically.

He "verbed" herpe into a past participle a la Calvin and Hobbes (check the second cartoon on this page), and used it as a participial adjective. I think. I could be wrong.

August 17, 2006 2:12 PM  
Blogger Tense Teacher said...

I hate text messaging for the demise of grammar skills, too. And, hiding under the bed is only a temporary fix; I'm moving to my own private island.

August 17, 2006 4:27 PM  
Blogger Fraulein N said...

I literally -- and I mean LITERALLY -- laugh out loud at this shit. I'm so sorry for you having to deal with These People, but it makes for damn funny blog posts. "Visibly herpied?" "Longster?" The HELL?

August 17, 2006 9:54 PM  
Blogger Vicki Culver said...

Love it! I can't tell you how happy I am to find someone as nutty about poor English as I am. These posts are truly hilarious.

Oh, and I think "fondel" was some ancient philosopher or a dictator of some communist country or possibly a member of the Dada art movement. I've definitely heard of him;)

p.s. On a side note, I've just made the decision to go back to school and become a teacher. What the hell am I getting myself into?!?

August 18, 2006 12:46 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

That is so bad it's hilarious. The "fondel" is my favorite. The "fondeling with gloves". That's some nice imagery there.

Wouldn't it have been cute if he'd written "visibly harpied"? As in transformed into harpies?

Okay, maybe not. Nevermind.

August 18, 2006 3:12 AM  
Blogger Mrs. T said...

I HATE text messaging, and this is a case in point. I have a feeling that this joker would probably make all of these mistakes anyway. Can you imagine what this would have looked like had it been hand written? Yikes. I have to admit, I like "visibly herpied" and of course will now use the term myself.

August 18, 2006 8:08 AM  
Blogger ColoradoCastaway said...

My daugther has been special ed for years now, she cannot spell for shit. She is starting the 10th grade next year. Unfortunately for your college students, and I hate to admit it, but I think she is better at english, and spelling than they are. I'll be sure to refrain from kissing "visibly herpied" girls in the future. Gob knows I wouldn't want to get AIDS. When you go to get under the bed be sure to move the sign that says" Dust under bed" that the realtor put there.

August 18, 2006 9:04 AM  
Blogger drstaceyny said...

Are these legit questions/concerns, or is he just
"getting off" on the dialogue? I used to work at a crisis hotline and sometimes got calls/questions like this with. . . long. . . pauses. . . in between. Just a thought.

August 18, 2006 6:55 PM  
Blogger sara said...

Hi, I just stumbled upon your blog and have been laughing for the last hour. It's highly entertaining. I'm totally going to have to work "visibly herpied" into my daily conversations, if possible.

August 19, 2006 4:12 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

The next time I see someone who is "visibly herpied" I'll ask them how longster they've been living that way.

Spell check cannot save us from idiots. They first must turn the spell check function on. Grammar check doesn't work anyway. But seriously. How do people make it past 3rd grade with brains smaller than 1000 cc's? No understand-o comprehend-o engles'?????? I believe the words we're all looking for are "WTF!"

August 22, 2006 2:34 AM  
Anonymous Moobs said...

The days of courtly romance (and literacy) are dead.

I am going to be chuckling about this for weeks.

August 22, 2006 8:40 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

LOVE THIS POST! I am glad that school is starting again because I love your posts about your students. They make me laugh but I feel sorry for you that you have to deal with all this frustration.

August 23, 2006 10:31 AM  
Anonymous drunkenspaniel said...

As one who is sometimes 'visibly herpied' (I get cold-sores on my lip when I'm run-down), I had to laugh at this!
I am also lamenting the loss of grammatical standards. sigh.

August 23, 2006 4:06 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

"Visibly herpied". That's going to stick. :)

August 26, 2006 12:16 AM  
Blogger Leslie said...

"Visibly herpied" is going to stay with me and pop out at a completely horrible time. :)

August 26, 2006 12:18 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home