School is Unofficially in Session
A student e-mailed my advisor some questions about sexually transmitted infections. She answered his questions, while copying me on the e-mail. She gave him my name as a resource and all I can say is "thanks." Ready for this? Here we go:
The Introduction
hi, its joe blow that student whose called you a few times, and
the last time i called you were on a day trip and asked me to email
you my questions, so this is the time when i could so here they are and thanks
Is it really, REALLY so difficult to correctly use punctuation? An apostrophe here or there, and perhaps, I dunno, correct capitalization? I blame text messaging for the demise of both.
The Questions
what are the most serious std's in general (least treatable,
most unpleasant for the longster duration of time and most debilitating or deadly
The longster duration of time? And also, what happened to our friend, Mr. Question Mark? Do you hate him?
Now this one I am including at my own risk, because I know it's going to bring the pervs to my site. And not just any pervs - the pervs who cannot spell (even worse, I think.)
and do you need to use gloves when you fondel a person's genitals.
Hmm . . . Your university e-mail has a spell check function my dear friend. Please employ it occasionally.
Oh - this one is my personal favorite, because he transforms a noun into . . . what? An adjective? Veronica Mitchell, I know you will be able to help me. Behold the horror:
can you open mouth kiss and/ or kiss anyone who's not
visably herpied or whaterver without worrying about aids to
much. i mean, not many people ever get aids from kissing right?
"Visibly herpied?" That is one for the ages. I don't believe I have EVER heard that. And now, since it's made its way into the lower levels of my brain, that basement where I store the mental trash, I have no doubt that the next time I teach the chapter on STIs, I will say something about being "visibly herpied" - much to my dismay.
Oh yes, technically, school doesn't start for another week and a half. But in reality, it's already started. I'm going to celebrate by hiding under my bed.
The Introduction
hi, its joe blow that student whose called you a few times, and
the last time i called you were on a day trip and asked me to email
you my questions, so this is the time when i could so here they are and thanks
Is it really, REALLY so difficult to correctly use punctuation? An apostrophe here or there, and perhaps, I dunno, correct capitalization? I blame text messaging for the demise of both.
The Questions
what are the most serious std's in general (least treatable,
most unpleasant for the longster duration of time and most debilitating or deadly
The longster duration of time? And also, what happened to our friend, Mr. Question Mark? Do you hate him?
Now this one I am including at my own risk, because I know it's going to bring the pervs to my site. And not just any pervs - the pervs who cannot spell (even worse, I think.)
and do you need to use gloves when you fondel a person's genitals.
Hmm . . . Your university e-mail has a spell check function my dear friend. Please employ it occasionally.
Oh - this one is my personal favorite, because he transforms a noun into . . . what? An adjective? Veronica Mitchell, I know you will be able to help me. Behold the horror:
can you open mouth kiss and/ or kiss anyone who's not
visably herpied or whaterver without worrying about aids to
much. i mean, not many people ever get aids from kissing right?
"Visibly herpied?" That is one for the ages. I don't believe I have EVER heard that. And now, since it's made its way into the lower levels of my brain, that basement where I store the mental trash, I have no doubt that the next time I teach the chapter on STIs, I will say something about being "visibly herpied" - much to my dismay.
Oh yes, technically, school doesn't start for another week and a half. But in reality, it's already started. I'm going to celebrate by hiding under my bed.
posted by Teacher lady | 9:38 AM
19 Comments:
Hilarious.
Gotta go run and fonDEL my hubbie.
Is this for a report or for his own personal knowledge?!? If so, it sounds like he's hanging out with the wrong crowd.
And am I missing something? Do people who have herpes also by default have AIDS?
I'm sorry but I am so glad that school is starting again for you next week. I don't ever laugh the way I laugh when I read your posts...
When you get under the bed, make sure it's stocked with the proper supplies- ie vodka. Wine's too weak for this cause. Sigh
How do these kids even make it into college?? Thank goodness you are there to teach them about sex (and birth control) to prevent them from reproducing!!
holy $*&% *$%&*$&@$!!! ROFL!
"visably herpied"
I wish you were joking. Now it's stuck in my head, too.
In all seriousness, I thought teaching required English courses (back in the day) guaranteed me contact with the lowest common denominator. Now I see that I should have been grateful that I wasn't teaching sex ed.
You make me giddy with laughter. And so you know, if you google "herpied," it asks "Did you mean highered?" Hee hee hee. I cackle hysterically.
He "verbed" herpe into a past participle a la Calvin and Hobbes (check the second cartoon on this page), and used it as a participial adjective. I think. I could be wrong.
I literally -- and I mean LITERALLY -- laugh out loud at this shit. I'm so sorry for you having to deal with These People, but it makes for damn funny blog posts. "Visibly herpied?" "Longster?" The HELL?
Love it! I can't tell you how happy I am to find someone as nutty about poor English as I am. These posts are truly hilarious.
Oh, and I think "fondel" was some ancient philosopher or a dictator of some communist country or possibly a member of the Dada art movement. I've definitely heard of him;)
p.s. On a side note, I've just made the decision to go back to school and become a teacher. What the hell am I getting myself into?!?
That is so bad it's hilarious. The "fondel" is my favorite. The "fondeling with gloves". That's some nice imagery there.
Wouldn't it have been cute if he'd written "visibly harpied"? As in transformed into harpies?
Okay, maybe not. Nevermind.
I HATE text messaging, and this is a case in point. I have a feeling that this joker would probably make all of these mistakes anyway. Can you imagine what this would have looked like had it been hand written? Yikes. I have to admit, I like "visibly herpied" and of course will now use the term myself.
Are these legit questions/concerns, or is he just
"getting off" on the dialogue? I used to work at a crisis hotline and sometimes got calls/questions like this with. . . long. . . pauses. . . in between. Just a thought.
Hi, I just stumbled upon your blog and have been laughing for the last hour. It's highly entertaining. I'm totally going to have to work "visibly herpied" into my daily conversations, if possible.
The next time I see someone who is "visibly herpied" I'll ask them how longster they've been living that way.
Spell check cannot save us from idiots. They first must turn the spell check function on. Grammar check doesn't work anyway. But seriously. How do people make it past 3rd grade with brains smaller than 1000 cc's? No understand-o comprehend-o engles'?????? I believe the words we're all looking for are "WTF!"
The days of courtly romance (and literacy) are dead.
I am going to be chuckling about this for weeks.
LOVE THIS POST! I am glad that school is starting again because I love your posts about your students. They make me laugh but I feel sorry for you that you have to deal with all this frustration.
As one who is sometimes 'visibly herpied' (I get cold-sores on my lip when I'm run-down), I had to laugh at this!
I am also lamenting the loss of grammatical standards. sigh.
"Visibly herpied". That's going to stick. :)
"Visibly herpied" is going to stay with me and pop out at a completely horrible time. :)
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